Happy to be a simpleton...

Pretty ordinary day here. Worked. Attempted to put up a tent. Found out that we were missing a pole. We need to get it before next Wednesday, when we leave for Spirit Song. My grandma made me dinner to take back to my apartment. Roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn, carrots, rolls, jello, salad and a brownie (don't worry, I didn't eat it all! Had to save something for lunch tomorrow!) Went to the gym and had a nice workout. Maybe in two years this gut will be gone. Came home. Watched Reno 911 and half of The Daily Show. Need to be quick writing in here because I still have to do my quiet time. Oh yeah, and I really need to shave. It's been about four days and I'm getting to have that really scraggly uni-bomber look. If it was the 90s and I was a teenager, I could pass off the grunge look. But it's 2004, I have a job at a major corporation, I gotta scrape off the whiskers and look the park. :) Sigh. I'm such a sell out. But the good thing about selling out is the money :)

In all seriousness, though, it's funny what I remember today. I know it was a bad day at work with calls coming in from old people, foreign people, and broke people. But I don't remember any of the calls. I don't remember or dwell on the hour or so spent in traffic. Instead, here's what I remember...

The warm hazelnut coffee that helped me stay awake this morning.

Laughing at a text message or e-mail Tim sent.

Getting an e-mail from Erin and learning that she's really making progress on her devotions.

Laughing with Brandon as we attempted to set up the tent and, even though we're in our 20s, told mother jokes.

Playing with my parents' dog.

Smiling in recognition as I looked at the Relient K message boards and found that they were mentioning my cousin's performance at Alive Fest.

My grandmother's cooking.

Having a good workout, which left me feeling energetic and healthy.

Taking a hot shower to relax after that workout.

Driving with the windows down on a summer night with the CD blasting.

It's funny that those are the things I took away from today. Because if any of us were to ask what matters in a day, they probably wouldn't be those things. We get so bogged down in the big things that won't be here forever and we lose sight of the small pleasures God has blessed us with. When we lose sight of those things...the simple pleasures that show us how thrilling it is to be alive, we begin to feel the pressure of this world caving in. We think that the only thing to life is the punch clock at work and living from paycheck to paycheck. But the small pleasures that cause us to smile are the things that give us a taste of heaven, when every facet of our being will be worshipping God. In our relationships, in our laughter, in our service and in our play, everything will be perfect then. For now, we should just enjoy the time we have and look with waiting eyes for the return of our Savior.

Those of you who have kept up with me for awhile know that my favorite movie is The Shawshank Redemption. And I know I've talked about this scene before, but it just seems fitting to do it again. My favorite image in the movie is of the prisoners standing around in the prison as Andy plays opera over the loud speakers. They've never heard something so beautiful before and, as Morgan Freeman narrates, for those few moments "every man at Shawshank felt like a free man."

Andy is put into solitary after that. And when he returns, he's talking about how that time was the easiest he ever had, because he just remembered the beautiful music there. He says to the inmates that he's talking about hope. Red (Freeman's characte) says that hope is a dangerous thing to have, because there's not much use for it in prison. Andy's words still bring a tear to my eyes every time I see that movie. I know I'll butcher the dialouge, but I'm going to try to get it right.

"Here is where it makes the most sense. You need it so that you don't forget that there are places in this world that aren't made of rock and stone."

When life gets tough I remember those words. There is more to life than a job that drains me, bank accounts that are constantly empty, and plans that go awry. There is hope in the world, and it means God is watching over me.

Andy writes near the end of the movie, "Hope is a good thing. And no good thing ever dies." Truer words were never spoken (well, okay, there are truer words. But just run with it for the sake of argument!)

C-Dubbs

Letters from the unfaithful...

Long day today. Worked a longer shift to pick up some more OT. Passed up a movie with Erin so I could talk to my dad about setting up a budget and being accountable. Now I'm home surfing the internet and trying to write something.

In between the end of my regular shift and the start of my OT, I decided to take a long walk. It started just around the block, but since I had two hours to kill, I just went for awhile and ended up at the Southfield Historic Square or whatever it was. It was a path touring some old buildings with benches sitting in the shade.

About that time I was really starting to get stressed. The pressure of bills was squeezing in. My malaise at work was starting to get serious. And the questions about faith that tend to nag at me in these dark times was starting to gnaw at me. So I did the only thing that seemed sensible.

I prayed.

I don't know how long I was on that bench with my head bowed and my heart pouring out pleas to God. Probably, truth be told, only about 15 minutes or so. But by the time I hit "amen," it was like a different day. My problems weren't gone, but my worry was. I felt a peace and a hope that I hadn't felt in a few days. I was able to look at my problems and see the solutions God was placing in the paths. I was able to calm down and be rational. To look at my job and realize that I'm only 24 years old...this is only temporary. Life is just beginning. There is so much to look forward to. This is just a speed bump and God is leading me through it. Although I'm carrying my cross, He is Simon stopping to help me pick it up.

And as I finished my walk, I realized that it's time to stop whining and take action. Not just think about the things that could be better or where I want to end up, but take action about the things I have on my plate during the day. After all, Christ said that those who are faithful with a few things will be entrusted with many. If I want to be moving into a new career, I have to be the best person I can be at my current job. If I want to support a family, I have to be able to handle my own finances today. If I want to even think about pursuing marriage down the road, I have to watch how I treat the relationships I have today.

And the cornerstone for all of that is faith. I have to trust that God isn't going to let go, jump ship, or give me the ol' kiss off. He's faithful. And even when I'm faithfless, he's still there. My God. My Abba. My friend.

C-Dubbs

What I've learned. . .

So, I've been on my own here for a little over a year now. And since I'm prone to both lists and nostalgia, I think it's only appropriate for a top ten list of things I've learned since moving out. Those of you at home, get your pens ready because you can learn from this . . .

1. Money doesn't grow on trees. Or bushes. Or even in the cracks in the sidewalks. I don't know that anything has been tougher this past year than having to deal with the challenges of finances. I started out with a good budget, but I am not prone to discipline. And I've had moments where I've had to go two weeks on nothing more than $25. It's been tough. But I'm learning (I hope) and tomorrow night I'm going to ask my dad for accountablility as I take another crack at a budget.

2. They were right. Mom and Dad, that is. Yeah, I'm 25 years old, so I should have gotten that into my head awhile back. But you don't truly get it until you have to make your own decisions and find yourself asking "what would mom and dad do in this situation?" The things your parents warn you about, chide you over, and nag you on are the very things that come back to haunt you later in life. So pay attention!

3.Grocery Shopping is an art form. Laundry is a skill. If I had gotten married and moved out, I wouldn't have to worry about those two things (just kidding!) But I must admit that I've learned the art of grocery shopping. I've learned just how long a loaf of bread can last before turning green and how long milk can go before it starts to smell. I've learned that Chef Boyardee is the best cook in the world and cooking is not my forte. Again, another reason to start that search for a wife! As for laundry...it's a skill I haven't mastered yet. Just last week I was overloading the washer and spending three hours trying to get my jeans dry (I failed and was walking around in wet Levis all day, which isn't the most comfortable feeling in the world.)

4. Who you Know DOES matter. I never could have gone out on my own, given that a customer service rep doesn't actually make a ton. So having a roommate wasn't even a question. But I also have been asked the question "does moving in with your best friend ruin your friendship?" Thankfully, God has allowed me to have a roomate that is a resounding no to this answer! Although Brandon and I have gotten in each others' hair and probably frustrated each other (him for making the apartment smell like crab for three days; me for the pile of candy wrappers that are still behind are couch) I wouldn't want another roomate--except for my eventual wife, of course. We get along great and have had a lot of fun. Another year will be a blast! We're like Joey and Chandler--only A LOT dumber and less funny. :-)


5. Please won't you not be my neighbor. Remember the good old days when everyone knew their neighbor and was quick to always smile, say hello, and have them over for tea and scrumpets? Well, that doesn't happen. But oh the wonderful welcome home...the hallways of the apartments reeking of curry, rice, and cat or whatever the Indian family down the hall is cooking. The kids down the hall screaming and yelling at the sports games. The washer and dryer being tied up for four hours. Mister Rogers must be spinning in his grave.

6. Being single has its perks. So, a year later and I'm still not dating (tell your friends!) But I'm not moping about it. It's fun. I can see movies when I want to. I can save money. I don't feel like I'm obligated to anyone. And I'm free to serve God in a way that I couldn't as a married person.

7. I'm very lazy. My aparment is constantly in need of vacuuming. My toilet gets a weird fuzz in it after a week. I make my bed maybe once every two weeks. You know what? I don't want to finish this one...

8. There is something to be said for free time. I'm a person who likes to go, go, go. But with having to pinch every penny, sometimes a night at home with a DVD is the only option. And those nights are great. After the movie, I can open my Bible, do my devotions and take a long walk with time to pray. And those quiet days speak volumes.

9. Home is still home. I live in this apartment. Home, for me, is still at my parents' in Warren. Home is where my family is. Where the ones who love me are. And that won't change.

10. God is faithful. By all accounts, I should be on skid row by now. I've been a bad steward of the money God's entrusted me with. I've fallen into temptation over and over in many matters. I should be on the street suffering from my sins right now. But God has not let me fall. Instead, he's taken my sins and turned it into something great. As Caedmon's Call sings, he's making robes from my rags. And I'm going to trust Him through the next year.

C-Dubbs

As good as it gets?? I hope not. . .

So, I went to Royal Oak tonight with some friends. Had a good time. Tried sushi (blech) and then just hung out for a bit. Good time, all in all.

But, as I was walking back to my car, I stopped and watched the people on the streets. People with protest stickers on their cars. Drunken sorority girls and frat boys heading from one bar to the next. They all looked so happy, so passionate at getting the next drink/dance/lay. For many of them, this was as good as life gets. They'll get up and go to work tomorrow and the only thing getting them through the week will be the anticipation of another weekend of carousing, boozing, and trying to numb the pain in their hearts that only One being can fill.

There's no such thing as an athiest, I realized. We all believe in a god. What's more, we all worship a god. For some people, it's a god of pleasure. Life is to be lived to the fullest. Fun is the ultimate goal in life. . . work to enjoy yourself. But what happens at the end of your life, when all that "fun" has led to nothing but heartache and regret?

So others turn to the god of work. Fight your way up the corporate ladder. Be the Big Wig. Have the house, the yacht, the cottage on Lake Michigan and the summer home in Miami. Life is progress and you want to get as far as fast as you can. But what happens when the doctor tells you you have six months left and all the money in the world can't save your life?

So others turn to romance and love, because "love conquers all." And they throw themselves into relationships, giving up their hopes, dreams, and pursuits to fawn over another and be fawned over. Love is the important thing. Being loved is an incredible feeling, it's the feeling that you matter. But hearts, as the saying goes, were meant to be broken. And even when love blossoms into marriage, what happens when you're standing over a casket, looking at the one you've been standing by for years and realizing that "Til' Death Do Us Part" actually must come true.

Our culture tells us to worship ourselves. Self-help books tell us to love ourselves, accept ourselves, treat ourselves nicely. So we worship at the altar of self-esteem and try to build ourselves up in others' eyes. But we know our capabilities better than anyone, and are we really too surprised when we hit the wall and those flaws we thought we had banished trip us up one last time and those who said they would back us up are running for cover?

Others turn to religion. Throw your life into church. Give to the homeless. Pray and light candles and memorize scripture. Don't smoke or drink or swear or go to movies. EARN God's grace (an oxymoron if I ever heard one.) But who's standard do you go by? God is holy after all. Can you ever be sure you'll be good enough? And does one slip up cancel the whole deal?

That's why I'm so glad that God's Truth has been revealed to us. That we have the honor, privilege, and GIFT of having a relationship with our creator. That in this relationship He doesn't minimize pleasure but doesn't take away pain. He doesn't condemn work but urges us to work for Him. He doesn't hate love; He hates our IDEA of love and wants to show us what it truly is. He wants to show us our worthlessness and make us more than we ever thought we could be. He wants to take these duties and religious traditions and show that you don't earn His love; it's a gift He gives out freely to all those who seek it.

Following Christ means seeking Life. It means that life, with all it's ups, downs, and crazy times is part of a plan to glorify God forever and ever.

And THAT'S as good as it gets.
C-Dubbs

Satur-dizz-ay...

Well, it's the end of the day on Saturday. Not a bad day. I worked a few hours this morning to get a few hours of overtime. Not too bad, but I would probably have rather been in bed. Came home, ate a subway sandwich (love subway) and then took a long nap before getting a haircut, working out a bit, and then taking a long shower. Tonight Erin and I went to her friend Miriam's apartment and had dinner with her and her husband. Erin also made it through her first two games of euchre and didn't do too bad. I love euchre, but only when I'm playing with people who don't take it too seriously, so tonight was fun. . .

So how's the prayer deal going? You might ask. It's been. . . tough. I've been doing it and doing my devotions, but there are some days when it just feels like...work. I don't have that feeling of closeness always when I pray or that feeling of lightbulbs going off when I do my devotions. And those are the times it becomes a struggle. Those are the moments, when I feel like not doing them, that I start getting frustrated and asking questions. Those moments are when my faith starts to waiver.

But God never told us our faith would always be a series of highs and euphoric feelings. Nor is it always a time of intense intellectual stimulation or intimate conversation. A relationship with God is just that, a relationship. And there are times when words and devotion flow from me like rivers and times when I just want to get to the last sentence and say Amen and finish the whole thing up for the day.

If you think about it, it's not much different from a relationship with a friend here on earth. I love my friends, especially Erin and Brandon. They are so much fun to be around and I love them both to death. And there are so many times when I'm having coffee with Erin and I feel like we're having a conversation that is plumbing new depths in our friendship. Or I'll go grab a movie with Brandon and feel like we're having a greater time than I've ever had. But then there are times when we don't say much and, although nothing's wrong, things feel strained. It's just that as humans, we tend to be fickle with our emotions and our time.

Sadly, that comes into play with my walk with God. And I have to remember that it's the most important time of the day, that time I spend in the word or the words of prayer I say. And whether I feel like it or not, I can't shirk those responsibilities. I have to go to God with the honesty of my malaise and trust His spirit enough to guide me through.

C-Dubbs

Hmmm. . . I'm getting the impression Michael Moore might not like George W. Bush. . .

Well, it's Friday. The week is over, except for two hours of overtime I'm going to do tomorrow. Friday night always feels like survival to me. Like I came through by the skin of my teeth and just need to lie down and recuperate or something. . .

So after work today I went and saw a matinee of Farenheit 9/11, the new film from Michael Moore. Now, before I start talking about the movie, I should probably let you know a bit of my political background. I tend to be conservative and vote Republican, although I am by no means a card carrying Republican. In fact, some of my views are flat out the opposite of theirs. I believe in stronger gun control, more government assistance for medical care, and I oppose the death penalty. But, like most Christians, my sticking point is abortion. I cannot justify voting for someone who approves the murder of babies.

And, although I'm not his most ardent supporter, I do stand behind President Bush. I feel he handled 9/11 as well as anyone could be expected to. It was a situation I don't think anyone should ever have had to be faced with, but he brought the nation together and made us confident. As for the war in Iraq. . . I'm getting to that. . .

So why, you may ask, would I even think about going to see Farenheit 9/11, a "documentary" that makes no bones about it's intent--to get Bush out of the White House. Well, I for one believe Michael Moore is a heckuva entertainer. While Bowling For Columbine had some obviously staged moments, I do agree with the politics behind it enough that it doesn't bother me, I feel the facts and theories spoke for themselves, and I thought it was altogether the best film of 2002 (That didn't involve hobbits, that is.) Plus, I'm not the type of person who will only listen to pro-Bush rhetoric. I want to hear both sides of the story. Plus, this is the film everyone is talking about.

So what do I think?

First off, the film is not near as brilliant, moving, or great as Bowling For Columbine. That's not so much a criticism as it is a praise for the previous movie. But it's a remarkably entertaining, frequently hilarious piece of propaganda. Whether you agree with Moore or not, you can't deny that it makes you laugh and is never boring.

However, the first half of the movie is an all out assault on President Bush, that I thought was unfair. I didn't like the race card being dealt with the election. That's soooo 2000. :) Bush's reaction to the terrorist attacks, where he sat and read to kids for seven minutes? What was he supposed to do?? Leave the class in panic or sit and think while not letting anyone think he didn't know what was going on. Flying the Bin Ladens out once air travel resumed (a fact the movie makes more of a big deal of than it actually is)? Regrettable, but understandable. . .although I would have had the FBI question them, a point that Moore makes. As for ignoring CIA evidence that a terrorist attack was being planned? Yes, very very regrettable. But then again, these come by every day. . . and didn't Clinton have an opportunity to go after Bin Laden and not take his chance? Moore needs to stay out of the cheap shots and be an equal opportunity accuser. Objectivity would help a great deal.

But, the current war in Iraq has always been a point of debate for me. We went under the word of our President telling us that there were weapons of mass destruction there. We found none, more than a year after the war began. Why didn't we get out then? We have Saddam. . .wasn't he the bad guy? Why are we still there? We say it's to fight a war on terrorists who attacked us. . .but isn't Al Qaeda in Afgahnistan? And where's the proof that Iraq was involved in 9/11?

This film shed some light on the war and the big business profits to be made from it that really made me cement my view that, although I respect Bush's authority, I think the war in Iraq is wrong and we have troops dying daily for no reason. The most powerful moment in the film, and probably of any film I've seen this year (other than The Passion) are the scenes with a mother from Flint who lost her son in the war. These scenes are truly heartbreaking as she reads his last letter and then walks to the White House for closure. In fact, I was in tears as these scenes unspooled.

Moore makes a powerful point at the end. Our wars are started by the rich and elite. But our soldiers come from the lower class. Their gift to us is that they risk their lives for our freedom, and they don't deserved to be sent out to risk those lives without good cause.

So did this movie change the way I'll vote in November? I don't know. John Kerry is not getting my vote. But Bush is not my favorite choice. I have a sneaking suspicion that if he stays in office, the only way to stop this war will be by reinstating the draft. . . the only reason it's not in effect now, I'm afraid, is that Bush needs to watch his approval ratings. And although abortion is a big issue for me, I have to weigh whether it's worse to have the potential to risk unborn lives that COULD be lost or to waste the lives of soldiers over there RIGHT NOW who could die unjustly. I don't know. Mickey Mouse may be my vote.

Whatever your political views, though, I urge you to see this movie. It's moving, funny, and thought-provoking. Worth the price.

After the movie, I came home and did laundry and watched Office Space. I swear, the guys in that movie are my heros. There's not much better than having a long, hard week in the office and coming home and watching that movie. It's like revenge :)

Well, I'm tired. Time for bed. I'll write later!
C-Dubbs

Everything's back to normal-ish. . .

I'm writing this from my laptop in my bedroom in a cold apartment. That's right, our internet AND air-conditioning was fixed yesterday, so life seems back to normal! And that's a good thing, because it was slipping me off of my routine.

So, it's coming to the end of the week. Didn't do the 20 hours of overtime. Settled for 8. It'll still add up to a nice paycheck. I work my regular shift tomorrow and two hours Saturday morning. Should be okay.

Last night was the Detroit fireworks, and Erin and I went to Hart Plaza to watch what was probably the best fireworks display I'd ever seen. It was a lot of fun just going downtown with 1 million other people and hanging out for the evening.

I was all set to write a lengthy post on why Detroit gets a bad rap and isn't nearly as bad as people suggest. Then I found out 8 people were hospitalized after a shooting down there last night. Sigh. I still think the city gets a bum rap. Some people are just stupid.

Not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow night. I'd like to go see Farenheith 9/11 because I'm very curious to see it, but I don't want to spend the money. Plus, I need to do laundry. So, I'll probably stay in, grab a pizza and watch a movie. Jaws sounds good for some reason.

I wish I had something else to write tonight, I really do. And I had planned to write about faith and my dependence on God for it. But I'm really getting pretty sleepy. sorry for the shallow entry. I'll do better this weekend. I promise.

C-Dubbs

The things I do for money. . .

Okay, the reason that I didn't write yesterday is because they took away our internet access at work, which means I couldn't write on my lunch hour. But also, when the maintenance guys came to "fix" our air conditioner they also unplugged our internet. So now I'm at Deebes after a long day typing it out here. If my writing becomes sporadic over the next few days, that's because there's no improvement. Sigh.

So today was a long day. I NEED money, so I've been trying to do as much overtime as my poor body will allow. So yesterday I did the standard two hours after work. Today, I decided to kick it up a notch. I worked from 7:30-4:30 and then from 5-9, which was a truly bad decision. But I'm still alert enough to get my trusty laptop ready for this blog entry.

It's been a rough week, and it's only Tuesday night. Yesterday I had to face some big debt that I had owed. It was my fault really. I had just been focused on other things and forgot about this. And I had to have a family member bail me out. I felt really so poor and needy.

What is it about ourselves that we have such a hard time admitting our need? For me, it wasn't so much the fact that I didn't want to accept money. It was that I wanted to prove I could cover the debt on my own, even though it was impossible. But I wanted to hang onto my selfish pride and put out the impression that I could handle the situation. That it wasn't over my head.

Wrong.

And when that debt was offered to be helped with, I have to admit that I cried tears of gratitude and made a vow that it will be paid back in full in a short amount of time.

Maybe that's why so many people don't follow Christ. They're too proud to admit their need. They want to think they have it together, they can do it on their own, that their effort is going to get them somewhere. They don't like to hear that Jesus paid it ALL. . . which means our contribution was nil.

So, like I said, nothing's working at home. The maintenance man said he fixed the a/c, but it's still hotter than blazes in there. The internet is not working. Sigh. It's frustrating. And our lease is up July 31 and while I was content to stay where we were at, I'm thinking this is tipping the scale in another direction. They gotta do some major making up here.

Things look to get better as the week goes on. No more 13 1/2 hour shifts for me. I get off at four tomorrow and four-thirty Thursday. I'll probably do two hours of overtime on Friday and maybe four on Saturday. Still will give me a more than decent check on July 15 and shouldn't be too taxing.

Tomorrow night Erin and I are going to the Detroit Fireworks. Should be a lot of fun, although I do dread being out until 2 in the morning and then crawling out of bed at six thirty the next day. But that's why that I'm not doing overtime on Thursday. If need be, I'll catch a long nap after work.

Weekend isn't too bad looking. I'd like to see The Terminal, so maybe that will work out. Saturday, Erin and I are going to her friend Miriam's house. Sunday is church.

Two weeks from tomorrow I get a vacation!! The Spirit Song tickets arrived in the mail yesterday, the campsite has been reserved, and my dad's given me the instructions on how to air out the tent. Kings Island is only two weeks away!!

And with that, I'm going to bid you all adeiu. Time for devotions, maybe a quick walk (or not, I'm pretty tired) and then bed. I'll write as soon as I can next get to a working computer.

C-Dubbs

A tale of rockstars, family, and fecal feet. . .

Well, the weekend's over (rather quickly, I'm afraid). And now I'm home just trying to get myself relaxed and settled down before bed. Had a nice weekend, which, I'm going to tell you about.

Yesterday we went to Canton, Ohio for one day of the Alive Festival, which is a huge Christian Music festival at a campground down there. My cousin Matt was diagnosed with cancer last year (and thanks to God that he's all better now!!) and his Make-A-Wish foundation wish was that he could play his bass guitar with Relient K, a Christian rock band that he (and I) really likes.

So, we went down to that. And it was really cool to see him up there, healthy and dancing around with his guitar on the song that he got to play with them. He was so excited, though, because the whole weekend had just been amazing for him. The night before, Audio Adrenaline had been staying at the hotel he was at and came down to the lobby and just hung out with him and his friends for a bit and signed his guitar. Then all day Saturday he was hanging out with Relient K at their house and getting dinner with them and then he was up on stage with them. Quite a good way to celebrate God's healing!!

The concerts were very good, for the most part. Big Daddy Weave opened up and I had never heard them before but really enjoyed them (the lead singer was a dead ringer, for yours truly). Then Plus One came on and the lead singer was a bit fruity but the band itself wasn't too bad. During Salvador Erin and I went and walked and browsed for a bit and then we made it back for Chris Tomlin, who is one of the most incredible worship singers I've ever heard. They had a very good speaker come out and then Relient K played. I love the band and their cds are great and they are a lot of fun in concert, but I have to say that they don't always pick the best song set to play. There are always about five songs I'd wish they'd do and they always are only allotted such a small time. Steven Curtis Chapman closed things out, but I missed most of him due to the next part of my story. ..

After Relient K, my Aunt Sue gave Erin and I her backstage passes and so we began the trek across the field to get to the artists' area. But halfway there, Erin sank up to her ankles in this mud mix. At least, we thought it was mud. It was actually the dumping grounds for horse manure! She pulled her sandals out, but one of them had broken! So she's buried up to her ankles in manure and her hands are soaked in it due to pulling her feet out!

So we finally get backstage and meet up with my cousin. He introduces us to the lead singer of the band and I shake his hand and everything and there's Erin. . . standing there with her hands and feet drenched in manure!! The band was really cool about it, though, getting her towels and a shirt to wipe everything off on.

That's a story that could only happen to Erin :) And it gave us quite a few good laughs on the way home.

Well, there's more I'd love to say, but I'm tired. I will issue a plug, though. I'm currently listening to Sanctus Real's new cd, "Fight the Tide" and it's really a great cd!

Have a great night, ya'll.

C-Dubbs

To tide you over while I'm out on Saturday

Hey Kids!! Here's a fun survey to read! Copy and paste it and either e-mail it to me or post it on your blog! It's as simple as that!

**************** STATS AND OPINIONS*****************

FULL NAME: Chris Williams
BIRTHDAY: July 27, 1979
BIRTHPLACE: Oakland General Hospital, madison Heights, Mich.
STATUS: ummm. . . active? alive? I'm guessing single is what you're after.
HOME: an apartment inWarren where the air might or might not work.
EYES: blue with some black in the center floating in some white stuff
HAIR COLOR: blonde
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Leo, although that means piddly crap to me
********************LOVE LIFE*************************

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: not entirely sure. . .
A SONG THAT DESCRIBES YOUR LOVE LIFE: table for two by Caedmon's Call
******************************************************

ARE YOU A RIGHTY A LEFTY?: righty. . . unless I'm eating, oddly enough
HISTORY OF FRACTURES: I've broken a toenail before. . . that's about it.
HAVE YOU EVER SAVED YOUR CHAT CONVERSATIONS?: no. . . why would I?
ROLLERCOASTERS -DEADLY OR EXCITING?: exciting. . .nothing better than Top
Thrill Dragster, Millenium Force or Son of Beast hurlting you around at
breakneck speeds.
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: thanks for
allowing me to waste my time.
SAY SOMETHING TO THOSE WHO REFUSE TO RESPOND TO THIS: why do you hurt me?
all I want to do is love you and yet you refuse to respond to my surveys.
How can we ever have an intimate friendship if you won't respond to these
faceless questions sent across an anonymous impersonal e-mail system?
**************** THE FUTURE***************************
WHERE DO YOU WANT SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS?: married, with a nice job
writing or in PR, have the kids, a nice house in Michigan with the white
picket fence (you know the kind) a nice car, a boat. . . and then when it's
all paid off, lay some charges, blow the crap out of it and reap a fortune
in insurance dividends.

# OF KIDS: three. . . Eenie, Meeny, and Miney. . .but after that, No Mo!

KIDS NAME(s): Son--Holden, Paul, Hakeem. Girl--Autumn, Bethany, Quiwana
*****************HAVE YOU EVER...*********************
BROKEN THE LAW: in my car. . . speeding, not wearing seatbelt, parking in a
handicap zone. . .oh and there was that issue. . .with Chuck. . .and the
shovel.

RAN AWAY FROM HOME: nope, always too scared something would happen to me.

EVER CHEATED ON A TEST: sadly, yes. in high school.

HAD A MEDICAL EMERGENCY: I had a stroke two years ago at a movie theatre in
Birmingham
************** Do U Believe IN...*******************

LOVE AT FIRSTSIGHT: no. . . but I do believe in lust at first sight, because
that's actually all that "love" at first sight is.

ALIENS: not intelligent aliens, but I don't have any problem believing there
is life out there.

GHOSTS: no

HOROSCOPES: no, although sometimes they're fun just to peek at.

YOURSELF:most the time, unless I'm having a pity party.
********************* WHICH IS BETTER? **************
COKE OR PEPSI?: pepsi. . . it just tastes more fun!

WHITE OR CHOCOLATE MILK?: chocolate milk is incredibley awesome, even to
this day!

DEAF OR BLIND? which is BETTER!!?? Both are pretty unfortunate, I say. But
I'd rather be deaf. There's a lot I like to see.

BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?: I've always been more attracted to brunettes.
************** WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ************

CRIED?: well, I got choked up at the end of "Eternal Sunshine of the
Spotless Mind" on Tuesday. But probably the last real cry was after my best
friend and I got in a fight on a long drive and didn't say a word to each
other for four hours. That was a tough situation.

GOT A REAL LETTER?: I can't even remember! Probably when I last got a
Christmas Card!

********************** WHAT...**********************
IS YOUR MOST PRIZED AND IMPORTANT POSSESSION?: probably my car, simply
because it is the most expensive. . . I'm not really into possessions.

WHAT IS THE ITEM YOU WORSHIP THE MOST?: I would love to say God, because I
know that's what it SHOULD be (and all of you should too!) But honestly, I
probably worship myself the most. My idolatry can know no bounds sometimes.

IS THE WORST SONG YOU HAVE EVER HEARD?: William Hung's rendition of "I
believe I can fly-y--y-y-y-y-y-y"

IS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU: grace

IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP?: crap.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?: since I'm at work information about Verizon
Wireless online services

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER: that is a dumb question! 7.

WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM : white paint

WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?: usually a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

WHAT IS THE WORST, MOST UGLIEST THING YOU EVER DONE IN YOUR LIFE?: Gosh,
I've done so much to be ashamed of. Probably just mean, heartless things
I've said to people or the way I've treated others.
*************** FAVORITES:**************************
FAVORITE RELATIVE: probably either my cousin Matt, or my Nana and Papaw

FAVORITE TV SHOW(s): 24, The Simpsons, The Apprentice, any assorted reality
show where people look like shmucks.

BEST FRIEND: Erin and B-Wood

SHAMPOO: I usually just go with what's cheap, although I do tend to prefer
Pantene Shampoo and Conditioner or Vive for Men.

BOOK: Into Thin Air by John Krakauer, Future Grace, Desiring God and Don't
Waste Your Life by John Piper, The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John
Eldredge, The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning

FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Entertainment Weekly

FAVORITE DRINK: coffee, java, joe

FAVORITE SOUND: rain

FAVORITE SMELL FOR MEN OR WOMEN: um. . . clean??

FAVORITE THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: wake up late in the morning, have a cup
of coffee and breakfast while I check my e-mail, spend the afternoon
catching up on errands, reading, hitting the gym and napping, and then
taking the nights to hang out with friends.

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK(S): even though I hated Top Gun, the soundtrack was
great; I'd love to get Kill Bill's; I loved Moulin Rouge's and Chicago's,
and any musical score by John Williams is great

FAVORITE MOVIE(S): Shawshank Redemption, Die Hard, Lord of the Rings, Kill
Bill vol. 1&2, Pirates of the Caribbean, Lost in Translation, Eternal
Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
***************** IF********************************
YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?: a film critic

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: probably a cross on
my (tiny) bicep
**************** DO YOU?****************************
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: sometimes I get sick in the car, but not too
often.

GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: I do now that I'm out of the house.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: not to work or anywhere in traffic that I HAVE to be
at. But I LOVE to drive on long car rides with the stereo blasting.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?: no, not in about two years :)

DO YOU TYPE WITH FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: I have proudly known and used
my home keys since I was in fifth grade!

DO YOU DRINK/SMOKE?: I don't drink or smoke or chew and I don't run with
those who do

WHO DO YOU GO TO FOR ADVICE?: Erin, Brandon, my parents

WHO DO YOU HATE?: I don't think that I hate anyone...I severly dislike most
of my customers, but that's it.

WHO HAS IT EASIER, GUYS OR GIRLS?: I think we have it equally tough. Women
have to deal with birth and that. . . other thing. But guys have to deal
with the stress of being the spiritual leader of the home and a lot of
responsibility.

FAVORITE QUOTES: "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in
Him." john piper; assorted quotes from Meet the Parents, The Simpsons, Tommy
Boy and Dumb and Dumber,; and "When kids ask why it's raining I think a cute
thing to tell them is God is crying. And when they ask why God's crying, I
think another cute thing to tell them is 'probably because of something you
did."--Jack Handey

NICKNAMES: cdubbs, crickers, clifford

DO YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION?: nope

DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A GOOD LISTENER?: I think I am. . . except for that
one time when someone yelled at me for not listening, I don't know what she
said because I wasn't really paying attention :) j/k :)

WOULD YOU RATHER BE OVERLY HAPPY AND POOR OR OVERLY WEALTHY AND UNHAPPY?:
overly happy, of course.

DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?: the question is, do other people like me to dance :)

ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT: yeah, pretty much. It's really sad,
especially at this age.

DO YOU LIKE TO TALK ON THE PHONE?: sometimes. . . usually I prefer e-mail or
face to face.

WOULD YOU RATHER GO ON A WALK OR WATCH TV?: a long walk

WHAT'S YOUR DREAM HONEYMOON PLACE?: CEDAR POINT!!! :P Actually, I'd like to go to Australia. Or disneyworld.

The Passion of the Chris. . .

That's what you pretty much could call this day at work. Seriously, working in customer service allows you to see the ugly side of humanity. You come out of here and you really don't like people too much at all. There is this horrible sense of entitlement that Americans have. We're OWED a cheap bill and we're OWED perfect cell phone service. And because we have free speech, it is our RIGHT to yell, swear and scream at any poor sap who takes our time.

I can't be too quick to point the finger, though. After all, I can be quite a jerk. I get pissed off in traffic if someone is driving too slow. I mutter angry phrases as I'm skulking down the hall if my neighbor is taking too long with the laundry. If peole walk to slow, talk too funny, or don't act in a way that is going to benefit me and get me on my way as soon as possible, I can get bitter, mean, and rude.

It comes down to selfishness. We've been taught this doctrine of self-worth by our culture. And I'm all for having a good self image and self esteem. Nothing wrong with that. But we're taught we're entitled to the BEST. Books are written on how to have a "ME" centered lifestyle. Some religions teach that we're our own God. Heck, some "christians" even teach that God came to give us everything we want and self-fulfillment.

The doctrine of self fulfillment and self worth is so blatantly non-christian I don't know how anyone can consider it as being anything BUT heresy?? The life of a Christian can be summed up in Luke with Christ's words, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?

Of course, the ultimate act of self-denial was the Incarnation, when Christ gave up his place in Heaven for a season to come to earth, wrap himself in our flesh and live as a human and die as a criminal. And I wonder, when Christ was walking down the Via Dolorossa carrying his cross, as the soldiers and crowds beat him and spit in his face, did he realize this as the ugliness of humanity? It had to be worse than what I see on the phone.

So that's when I see that my attitude once again has to be, like Paul said, like that of Christ Jesus. Willing to give up myself, my desires, and my wants and endure the suffering of humans. And I have to do it out of love.

C-Dubbs

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's to a long day at work I go. . .

Very tired today. Actually, I've had a lot of mental energy today, but my body just is not moving fast. I keep having to stretch and I'm very physically tired, although not sleepy. And my eye is sore. . . I've never had that happen before.

So this is my long day. 7-6:30, because of overtime. Yeah, I'm a shmuck. .. but a shmuck making time and a half. I need the money badly and this is probably how my weeks are gonig to go for a bit here until I get in the black. That's okay, though. . . that's why we have weekends. To catch up.

Not a horrible day today. Just long and slow. Fridays are like that. Tonight I think Erin and I are going to see The Terminal. Tomorrow I'll be in Canton for the Alivefest, where Matt is playing with Relient K. Also, Steven Curtis Chapman will be there, who I always enjoy in concert. Should be fun. July 4th is coming soon, and that means a week off work because it's the week of the Spirit Song fest. Can't wait! Vacation!!

Okay, well, i gotta go. . . time to make the donuts.

C-Dubbs

A quiet day. . .

I guess I could go into my day, but nothing of interest really happened. My laundry took forever (my fault.) I watched the parade and rally. I went over Tim's and watched some good old Simpsons' episodes on his computer. Took a walk. Nothing big.

But, two thoughts were on my mind today. . .

1.) As I was watching the parade today, I was really caught up in just how exciting this was for the city of Detroit. Really, just a great sense of pride and accomplishment for the citizens of the city. The real fans stuck by the Pistons all year,always believing. When your team is the underdog and comes out on top, it's a real sense of pride. However. . .

After the parade was over, the news anchor said something that bothered me. "We had church here today. This was a truly spiritual experience for me."

Now, I'm all for championships and parades and victories. I was up all night watching the games along with the entire nation. And I was happy as a clam when the final buzzer sounded and the Pistons were crowned world champions. But that news anchor's comments made me realize just how sad this is for a lot of people.

For some people, this WAS a spiritual experience. Following a sports team to a championship is as close as they've ever gotten to transendence. And I realize that people are finding life in this. And we find life in other areas. We try to find it in the perfect job, the perfect relationship, with just the right amound of cash.

But next year, someone else will get the championship trophy. Even if the Pistons get another championship season, eventually that trophy will be passed on in a few years. There's always the risk of a pink slip at work. Relationships end with broken hearts. Life is thought to be reached and then quickly slips through our fingers like sand.

And in realizing that, I realized how glad I am to have found the one thing that doesn't slip away. God is faithful. God is unchanging. God will always satisfy thirsty hearts. In Him is life. It's in no other. . .

2.) As I was taking my walk and doing my prayer time, I reaalized something incredible about prayer. I've always considered it as my communication to God. The flip side of the quiet time coin. Reading the Bible was God speaking to me and prayer was my turn. But today I thought of just how involved God is in prayer.

The Holy Spirit gives me the desire to pray for things. It prompts my heart for the things to pray for and focuses me on God. It prompts my requests and shapes my heart. My prayers go to Christ, who is the intercessory between me and The Father. The Father then sets everything into motion to make sure the answers to my prayer are made to His glory. If not, the Holy Spirit directs me to pray for the glory of the Father.

All I am in prayer is an instrument. While I'm bowed at my desk, praying in my car, or talking on my walk, there's an incredible conversation going on in this universe. All parts of the Trinity are working in prayer to bring glory to God. How incredible it is to be a small part of that!

And I see then, that prayer is an act of worship. Prayer is magnifying God. Depending on Him and realizing just how active He is. And when I realize that, then prayer is something I can't miss or forget to do. Even the "small" prayers become major chances to worship.

By the way, I realize that Tuesday's post printed up three times. I could delete two of them. But I'm lazy :) Write later!

C-Dubbs

The best laid plans of Chris and laundry. . .

As usually happens, my day off turned into a very lazy day today. Not all my fault, but some of it is. . .

Woke up about 10:30. I had wanted to get up at 9 and get a good start on the morning. Sat around until about 11:30 before finally getting some money for laundry. By the time I got back, laundry was going from another neighbor. Three hours and one nasty note (from her, not me) later, my clothes were finally able to go in the dryer. . .

But not so fast. . .

The washer was overloaded due to the large load I had. So I have to wash them again just to get them in the spin cycle so they're dry enough and unsoapy enough to put in the dryer. So I won't get done with laundry until five or six by the time I can do towels.

Other than that, I have accomplished absolutely zip today. That's not true; I made my bed. I watched the parade on TV. Other than that, nothing. I can't go to the gym because my gym clothes are in the wash. Same thing with my bathing suit, so no pool. I'm in a ratty pair of bedshorts and a t-shirt, so I really can't go anywhere. Sigh.

Oh well.

I'll write more later.

C-Dubbs

Guess I'm just doing this for closure. . .

So, this is it. The end of the day. Nothing really to write. Just wanted to get whatever was in my system out. Had a good night tonight. Erin and I went to White Castle and then to see "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," which I adored even more the second time. Brilliant movie. Emotional and intelligent. Really the only movie to deal not just with love, but heartache and the consequences of falling in love. Is it worth it even if it hurts us? What if we knew the risks in advance? Brilliant movie. Did I say that already?

So, tomorrow's my day off. Ryan (my brother) and Scott (my cousin) invited me to the parade tomorrow, but I'm not going to go. Waking up at 7:30 and being on the streets of Detroit until 2 just doesn't seem like the way I need to spend my free day. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it would be a blast. But I look at the other obligations I have--laundry, job search--and I know my time would be best spent getting that all done, especially since I'll be gone the next two nights doing things and then out of town Saturday. So, I'll grab a big cup of coffee and watch it on tv.

Well, that's 'bout it. Nothing reaally more to write. Time to go watch some TV or do some reading. Have a great one!

C-Dubbs

bored

Three updates in one day? Well, it's a rare slow day here at work and I'm stuck here until 6:00 doing overtime. So I figured I'd just spend some of my slow time doing an update to this hear blog. It's been awhile since I've written anything of real substance, so I guess i'll do that.

I'm very happy to say that my prayer life has improved dramatically in the past week. Prayer has never been something that has come easily to me. I think it's because, at heart, I'm a guy who likes to be independent and likes to have absolute, concrete evidence on things. And prayer demands two things that are hard for a person with that tempermant: humility, because prayer recognizes our dependence on God. And faith, because prayer is an act of trust. Even though I can't see God or hear his response, I have to have the faith that He's faithful with my requests.

When I was reading The Ragamufffin Gospel, Brennan Manning made a good point about prayer: we have to approach prayer like children. If you gave your child some paper and crayons and told them to draw a picture of the neighborhood, would you get upset that they made the sky purple, clouds yellow, had fish swimming in the sky? No, because a child can only do as much as their limitations will allow. A child cannot draw a bad picture. They can only do as good as they can. It's the same thing with prayer. I don't know what to pray for or how to pray. My feeble sputterings and sentence fragments seem, to me, to be a waste of oxygen before God's throne. But I have to remember that it's the Holy Spirit that gives me the words to say, and I have to be dependent on Him not just for the answers to my prayers, but for the prayers themselves.

"Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." Romans 8:26

So, I've found myself approach God with more confidence on the way to work or while taking a long walk. And I don't worry about what I'm going to say or how I'm going to say it. I simply pray. And I'm learning a few things along the way:

1.) It's all about God. I think my weakness in this area was part of letting me surrender to God's control. I like to be good at things. But prayer is a weak area for me. And I've had to trust that God would teach me to pray and give me the words.

2.) God controls ALL. As I've found myself depending more on God, I've come to realize more and more how He's in control of EVERYTHING. In praying for a church member undergoing surgery, I was able to realize it's God who grants the doctors wisdom and skill. In praying for friends, I've had to realize it's God who changes hearts and attitudes and motivations.

3.) I'm pretty puny. The more I pray, the more I shrink. I pray for my "needs" less and I spend more time in prayer for others and praising God.

Prayer is a powerful thing. It's not just a method of communication. It's often how God shapes our hearts and minds to be totally dependent on Him. And I hope He keeps changing me.

C-Dubbs

A good day to be a Detroiter. . .

Normally, trying to sleep over fireworks, shouting neighbor and blaring car horns would drive me insane. And even though our air conditioner was back in working order last night, I decided to keep the window open and let those sounds lullabye me to sleep.

Those were the sounds of victory. The sounds of rejoicing.

So, the Pistons did it last night. Beat the Lakers 100-87, and took the title of World Champions. The last time the Pistons did that, I was in elementary school. Yeah, we've had a certain hockey team do it three times since I've been out of high school, but this victory seemed much sweeter than any Stanley Cup victory.

The newspapers were filled with the stories this morning, comparing the Pistons' team to the city of Detroit. Both are underdogs. When they entered series, no one expected them to beat the Lakers. Our own newspapers were cautiously optimistic that they could go five or six games. Well, they were right. Five games. . . but the outcome was a bit different than anyone had anticipated.

I'm not a big sports fan, but I got swept up in this. You can call me a fair-weather fan, and you'd be right. But I think there was something more than that in this series that got me hooked. This was about pride. This was about our city, blasted on so often by the press and the late-night talkshow hosts, getting the proper recognition we deserve, in front of the entire world.

The newspapers were right: The Pistons this year WERE like the city of Detroit. They were the underdogs. They didn't just go in on the strength of their superstars and waltz away with the trophy. They worked for it. It was a blue collar effort, indicative of a city that has to work for its respect and cherishes every small victory because it means progression. That's Detroit. On the outside, no one expects anything. On the inside, Detoit is full of pride. And I, for one, and proud to be considered a Detroiter.

So work is going okay today so far. I think everyone's just in a pretty good mood today. I'm working some overtime, so I get off at 6:00. Tonight Erin and I are going to do a Warren Wednesday, meaning we're going to go to White Castle and then catch a movie at Universal Mall, arguably the most ghetto mall in the world. But I'm extra excited, however, because the movie we're seeing for $1.50 is "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," which any avid reader of this blog (you out there?) will tell you that is my absolute favorite movie so far this year. I love that movie to death!! Perfection!

Tomorrow I have the day off and, coincidentally, it's also the victory parade for the Pistons. Not sure if I'll go, but I'll at least watch it on TV if I don't. Then it's a guys' night with . . . the guys, I guess :) Friday night I just found out Jeremy Camp is in concert in Clarkston for $12, so I think I'm going to see that.

Well, lunch break is over! Write later!
C-Dubbs

I bought Chris Rice's greatest hits cd, "Short Term Memories" yesterday and heard this song for the first time, but fell immediately in love with it. It is the perfect song for those striving to get closer to God and yet always trip up. . .

Clumsy

You think I’d have it down by now
Been practicin’ for thirty years
I should have walked a thousand miles
So what am I still doin’ here
Reachin’ out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit
I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me what’s a boy supposed to do?

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

I’m gonna get it right this time
I’ll be strong and I’ll make You proud
I’ve prayed that prayer a thousand times
But the rooster crows and my tears roll down (again)
Then You remind me You made me from the dust
And I can never, no never, be good enough
And that You’re not gonna let that come between us

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

From where I stand
Your holiness is up so high I can never reach it
My only hope is to fall on Jesus

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

only one thing to say. . .

DETROIT PISTONS 2004 WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!

Congratulations on making even the most fair-weather fan a believer!!!

IT'S TUESDAY!! Ummm. . . that means squat, really

So, tis' one o' clock in the afternoon on Tuesday, June 15, 2004. And I'm on my lunch break on another long OT day here at Verizon Wireless. And, although I know I'll kick myself tomorrow, I'm going to stay a little after my shift tomorrow night too to get MORE OT. The reason is, of course, obvious: I need the $$$. I'm bound and determined to get my head above water and start surviving and thriving financially and if that means putting in more hours here, well, so be it. Besides, I have Thursday off and so I'll catch up on rest then (there's OT available then, and I may do a few hours in the morning.)

So, not a horrid day, although I'm trying to keep my attitude in check. Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, probably from another night in the sweltering heat. Plus, traffic was HORRENDOUS this morning, which always puts me in a bad mood. And we've been slammed here, but I've been learning to focus.

So tonight is the Big Game. Really, if the Pistons don't win tonight, I guess it's not the biggest deal. The Lakers would still have to come back and win the last two games. But I'd rather get it over with, so I can start going to bed at a reasonable hour. Plus, a victory at home would be awesome for the City!

I hope this whole series has shown Detroit in a better light. The city gets a bum rap. There's a lot of pride here and a lot of people feel that, given a chance, the city could thrive again. I love the city, personally, even though I'm saddened by it. Detroit's such a tough old city. You go down there and you're just surrounded by history. It's nice. . .

Nothing from any of the jobs. :( But Thursday when I'm off, I'm going to just scour all the PR companies in the area and mail my resume out to them all. I need to get out of here!!

Okay, that's 'bout it. I'll write later!
The Dubbs

I always considered myself handsome, but tonight I'm positively HOT!!

So the huzzah and kudos reserved for Brandon are respectfully withdrawn due to the fact that it's burning up in here again. Nothing against his handywork, but I got a feeling something's gotta be busted in our a/c. Sucks, though. I was just at my parents' tonight. If I would have known it was so hot in here I would have picked up some fans. But oh well. . . hopefully it will be a cool night. Nothing unbearable. . .

So I'm exhausted from the day, and facing another long day tomorrow. I kick myself for doing this overtime, even though I know it pays off on the paycheck (although, after tax, nothing too big.) But, Wednesday is back to normal and I have the day off on Thursday. So if I can survive tomorrow I'll be okay. Besides, tomorrow night could be championship night in Detroit, and ain't nothin' better than that!!

So the family dinner was nice. We went to the Oxford Inn in Royal Oak for my nana's birthday. I had probably one of the best NY Strip Steaks in my life!! Man that thing was good. And the baked potatoe. . . mmmmm, potatoe. . .

So, afterward, it was back to my parents' for cake and ice cream. Fun and relaxing. Then back to my sauna of an apartment and it's about time to hit the sack. I'll write more tomorrow, or tonight if I can't sleep here in the waiting room for Hades!

C-Dubbs

Monday :(

Ugh. I feel like I'm barely functioning today. Just very tired and lethargic. First off, I wish the Pistons games didn't start at 9:00. . . by the time they get over, it's midnight and I'm ready to collapse. But add to that the fact that the A/C in our apartment was on the fritz last night so I was trying to sleep in a very warm, muggy bedroom. Needless to say, sleep was not plentiful last night. . .

So here I am on Monday. I volunteered for overtime last week, so I'm here until 7:00 tonight. Then I have to go straight from here to a family dinner for my nana's birthday and then out for cake and ice cream with my family, which means I won't be getting home until 9 or 10. By then it's highly likely I may just make my lunch and coffee for tomorrow and then just crawl in bed. . .

Not that things are bad. Yesterday was a nice, relaxing day. Sunday School went well, I think. I went to dinner at Joe's Crab Shack with my parents. Then I came home and took a nice, long nap...probably too long, if a nap can ever be considered too long. Then I cleaned up the apartment a little bit, did the dishes, and then went to the pool for a bit. Then Tim, Amy, and Becky came over to watch the game. So, it was a nice night. . .

Huzzah and Kudos are in store for Brandon, who fixed the air conditioner in our apartment this morning!! I can't wait to get home and have it nice and cool. . .

Not too bad of a week coming up. I work 7:30-7 today and tomorrow due to overtime (I'll complain now, but not when I get my check.) I'm off thursday due to a shift swap I had done. Thursday night is guys' night with Tim and Brandon. One night Erin and I may dare a venture to Universal mall. Then this weekend is Matt's concert with Relient K. So, it should be an alright week. . .

In less than a month is the Spirit Song festival! Nice to get some time off!!

Okay, that's it for now. I'll write later.

c-dubbs

The God of Hollywood's own image. . .

So, tonight Erin and I went to see Saved. I knew it was going to be an irreverent movie, but I was hoping that while it skewered fundamentalism and legalism, it would also come around to an ending that realized our need for grace and dependance on God, not self.

But when a movie makes you long for the theological doctrine of Dogma, you've got a problem.

There were good points in the movie. How our self-righteousness is a result of our pride and self-centerdness. How we're all screwed up sinners trying to figure this whole thing called life out.

But the whole point of the movie overall was one that greatly offended and angered me. It was a movie that said it's okay to divorce your wife because you haven't seen her much, that it's okay to have a child out of wedlock, that homosexuality is okay.

I'll admit that you could handle this in a positive light, to show us as sinners struggling to come closer to God. To show that it's not in what we do, but in whom we trust. Instead, this movie preached tolerance and acceptance, not of the sinners, but of the sin!!

It's the god that our world wants. A god who preaches love and acceptance, but just laughs off our sin like "boys will be boys." But that's not our God. Yes, Jesus loves us unconditionally and promises forgiveness. And yes, all of us are in the same boat, dealing with the same condition, and there's only one source we can look to for help.

But Christ does not laugh off sin. As Max Lucado said, God accepts you just as you are, but refuses to leave you that way. Once we come to Christ, we are supposed to depend on Him to change us in His image.

And while I do think Christians need to be more welcoming and encouraging to the lost, there does come a point when we have to admit that while sinners are welcome (we'd have an empty church without them), sin is not welcome or tolerated. We're pressing on for something better.

And yes, I recognize sin does exist. That's why we have grace. But that shouldn't make us complacent or tolerant of sin. Instead, it should reveal our constant need and realize that there's only One who we can depend on to make things right.

This song, "Nothin'" by Chris Rice has been in my head and stereo all night. The lyrics are simple, but so profound.

Nothin'

Nothin' can wash away my sin
Nothin' can wash away my sin
Nothin' can wash away my sin
Nothin' Nothin'
Nothin' but the blood of Jesus

Nothin' can make the devil run
Nothin' can make the devil run
Nothin' can make the devil run
Nothin' Nothin'
Nothin' but the blood of Jesus

Nothin' can bring me peace with God
Nothin' can bring me peace with God
Nothin' can bring me peace with God
Nothin' Nothin'
Nothin' but the blood of Jesus

Nothin' can lead me to your throne
Nothin' can lead me to your throne
Nothin' can lead me to your throne
Nothin' Nothin'
Nothin' but the blood of Jesus

Nothin' can make your people one
Nothin' can make your people one
Nothin' can make your people one
Nothin' Nothin'
Nothin' but the blood of Jesus


C-Dubbs

THE 100TH POST!!! AND IT'S BORING!!!

You know, for my 100th post, I had thought of writing something instrospective about how having this journal had rekindled a desire to write and had helped me realize the issues inside myself that I tend do deal with by bringing out in my writing.

Instead, it's 11:30 on Saturday morning, I just rolled out of bed and I'm sitting here in my boxers and a t-shirt (that tidbit of info was for all you ladies out there) drinking coffee and mentally trying to schedule my day.

Normally I would get mad at myself for waking up so late. I feel sleeping in too late is a total waste of a day. But honestly, it felt so good to sleep so late that I'm not going to complain :)

I had originally planned for today to be a lazy Saturday. I would bum around the apartment and watch a few DVDs, do some reading, and then catch a movie with Erin tonight.

But instead, I have a lot of things to accomplish. And yet, I'm writing this (hey, you gotta do SOMETHING while you finish your coffee!) I desperately need to do some grocery shopping since our refrigeraor and pantry are both bare (well, the pantry isn't. . . it's filled with six bags of stale tortilla chips and empty cracker boxes.) I desperately need to hit the gym because I haven't done it in a looooonnnng time. And I still have my lesson to finish (start) for tomorrow!! Plus I have to be at Erin's at 6:30 because we're seeing "Saved" at 7:25.

So I guess the simple thing is that I may just want to do my lesson and hit the gym first and then if I have time go to the grocery story because if not, that's something I could still conceivably push back to tomorrow.

Oh well! At least I'm not working!

Holla at you lata!
C-Dubbs

The end of the week is oh so sweet. . .

Nice Friday night tonight. Got home from work and took a nap that really just loosened me up and relaxed me. Seriously, it was something I needed so much. Work had really taken it out of me this week and it was nice just to realize that for two days I don't have to set foot in that building. So, it was nice. . .

Got Chinese food for dinner. That's always something worth writing about, I guess :)

Erin came over and her, Diana, Brandon and I watched a few movies. We watched Scary Movie 3 which I just think is a riot (some people disagree.) It's the cleanest in the series (not saying much) but it's also just got this warped sense of humor. I love a good spoof and I was very surprised that the third entry in what was never a very exceptional series was so fresh and fun.

But we also watched Miracle, which seriously vies with Remember the Titans as my favorite sports movie. Not as emotional as Titans, but it's such an exhilirating movie. Seriously, this might be one of the most uplifting, feel-good movies I've ever seen. And even though we all know how the 1980 game turned out (and I had already seen the movie before) it still carries a whallop of suspense.

I think that's what I appreciate about sports. It's not the skill. It's debatable, but I happen to think that there's nothing exceptional about being able to throw a ball through a hoop or shoot a puck in the net. I can't do it and I'll admit that there is a grace, skill and beauty in sports that is really fun to watch. But still, it's just a game, when you get down to it. People get paid so much less for much more noble causes.

Except that sometimes, as this movie says, it's more than a game. When I took a sports reporting class in college, it was really an eye-opening look at the drama that sports carries. It's not just about a game. It's about legends, about pride, and about that feeling of community.

I think in Detroit we're experiencing it this year with the Pistons in the finals. Why do we get so upset with Jimmy Kimmle over his stupid comments? Because we are reminded with these games that we have a city we should take pride in. That there's more to Detroit than burned out buildings and crime. There's hope and joy in the Motor City, even if it's not always easy to see. And sports is a rather nice way to remind us of that and bring out the community.

I'm not a sports fan simply because I don't have the discipline to sit for four hours three times a week and watch others be more active than me. But I appreciate sports. I appreciate the drama, the passion and the dreams that the sports world holds. And, as with the 1980 Hockey team, I appreciate the way that our fears, dreams, and hopes can be played out in an arena where no one has to die. There's just the clock, the net, and the players. And that's a pretty exciting thing.

C-Dubbs

Two hours until the weekend. . .

Fridays always seem to move way too slow for me here. I swear my clock (all three I have to look at here) is broken and it must really be past four o' clock and I'm just sitting here collecting overtime. Isn't it time to go yet?

So, things are going well. I'm sending in my resume to Marx Layne, the company I interned with in college. It's a PR firm that really liked, so we'll see what happens. . .

Work's been fine. Nothing too bad, nothing too good. Just standard work stuff. . .

Last night was fun. Went and got coffee with Christina and then me, her, and Erin went back to my place to watch the MTV Movie Awards. Glad that Kill Bill was so highly recognized. What other awards show can put Adam Sandler, Jack Sparrow,and Jesus Christ in the same acting category and give the award to the pirate? It's always fun stuff.

Stayed up late watching the Pistons trounce the Lakers. Man, what a fun game to watch. It would be great to make it to the Palace for a game. . . if it goes back to L.A. I will definitely be at Palace-vision one night!!

So, the weekend is here. Tonight I'm going to bum around the apartment with some DVDs. Erin may come over and watch them with me. I really have an urge to watch Finding Nemo again; that movie makes me laugh so hard. Tomorrow my plans include sleeping in, doing some grocery shopping, maybe cleaning up the apartment and then I think Erin and I are hitting the movies. Don't know what we'll see. I wouldn't mind Chronicles of Riddick, Harry Potter, or even seeing Kill Bill again. But I think we're going to see Saved, which I'm intrigued by. Anything but Garfield. Or The Notebook :)

I need to get back to the gym. I get on these kicks where I'll go for a few times a week and then I get lazy again. This weekend has a lot more open time, though, than the last few have offered. So we'll see. . .

In a month I'll be on vacation again, to Kings Island for the Spirit Song festival! I can't wait. I love going there, hearing the bands, and riding the rides. I have a roller coaster fix that needs satisfying as well :) Bring on The Beast!!

And, lest this whole column be completely shallow, let me close with a writing that I read last night by Brennan Manning that really made me feel good. He was writing about how we say we know all about God. What can God's response be?

God answers, "That's what you don't know. You don't know how much I love you. The moment you think you understand is the moment you do not understand. I am God, not man. You tell others about Me--that I am a loving God. Your words are glib. My words are written in the blood of my only Son. The next time you preach about My love with such obnoxious familiarity, I may come and blow your whole prayer meeting apart. When you come at Me with studied professionalism, I will expose you as a rank amateur. When you try to convince others that you understand what you are talking about, I will tell you to shut up and fall flat on your face. You claim you know I love you:

"Did youknow that every time you tell Me you love Me, I say thank you?

When you son comes to you asking, "Do you like Susan more 'cause she skates better and she's a girl?' are you grived and saddened over your child's lack of trust? Do you know that you do the same thing to Me?

Do you claim to know what we shared when Jesus withdrew to a deserted place or spent the night on a hillside alone wit Me? Do you know from where the inspiration to wash the feet of the twelve came? Do you understand that, motivated by love alone, your God became your slave in the Upper Room?

Were you grieved by the divine command to Abraham that he slay his only begotten Isaac on Mount Moriah? Were you relieved when the angel intervened, Abraham's hand was stayed, and the sacrifice was not carried out? Have you forgotten that on Good Friday no angel intervened? That sacrifice was carried out and it was my heart that was broken.

Are you aware that I HAD to raise Jesus from the dead on Easter morning because My love is everlasting? Are you serenely confident that I will raise you, too, My adopted child?

Faith means you want God and want to want nothing else.

C-dubbs

I'm gonna get flak for this. . .

Okay, so the argue Erin and have been arguing about is the position on men and women in roles of leadership in the church. This is a controversial issue. It's not an issue that I like really dealing with because to me it just doesn't seem t be of earth-shattering importance. If a church believes differently in this area, fine. We can have differences. I don't believe any church is being led to hell because of a women pastor. And although I lean more towards my church's belief that Paul was writing in 1 Timothy that women should not be in a governing position in the church, it's not a position I live and die on.

But, I found a sermon by John Piper that really addresses it exactly the way I feel the Bible does and I want to post it here (mostly so instead of ever discussing it again, I can just direct people to this site!):

Manhood, Womanhood and the Freedom to Minister
by John Piper

1 Timothy 2:8-15

I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; also that women should adorn themselves modestly and sensibly in seemly apparel, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly attire but by good deeds, as befits women who profess religion. Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over men; she is to keep silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet woman will be saved through bearing children, if she continues in faith and love and holiness, with modesty.
What we saw last week from Ephesians 5:32 was that marriage is a mystery. God gave it a meaning at the beginning of creation that was not fully revealed for a long time. But now it's made plain in the New Testament. And the mystery is this: marriage is an image or picture of Christ's relationship to his bride the church. A husband and a wife are meant by God to be living images of Christ and the Church in relationship to each other.

So when God created man and woman he made us the way we are — with the differences of manhood and womanhood — so that we would be suited for these complementary roles (and for the other expressions of complementarity outside marriage). In this drama man was meant to play the role of Christ, and the woman was meant to play the role of his bride the church.

And we have stressed for five weeks now that these differences are not the result of sin. Sin didn't create manhood and womanhood. God did. And sin did not bring diversified, complementary roles into existence. God did. Before sin ever entered the world God ordained and fitted Adam to be a loving, caring, strong leader for his wife Eve. And before sin entered the world God ordained and fitted Eve to be a partner who supports and honors that leadership and helps carry it through. Both in the image of God. Both equal in their God-like personhood. But also different in their manhood and womanhood. The pattern was beautiful. They respected each other and served each other and complemented each other and enjoyed each other.

What sin did was ruin this harmony. Sin made men abandon servant-leadership and become passive or harsh and insensitive and uncaring, or some other distortion of Biblical headship. And sin distorted the woman's support and honor into manipulation or defiance or helplessness or some other distortion of true Biblical submission.

So what Paul did in Ephesians 5 (as we saw last week) is call for a recovery of God's original idea. He doesn't abolish what God created at the beginning. He wants to get back to it: true Biblical headship and true Biblical submission. Here's the way we defined these two realities from our study last week:

Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like, servant-leadership, protection and provision in the home.

Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.

When a husband leads like Christ and a wife responds like the bride of Christ, there is a harmony and mutuality that is more beautiful and more satisfying and more fruitful than any pattern of marriage created by man. God loves His people and He loves His glory. And therefore when we follow His idea of marriage we are most satisfied and He is most glorified.

Now the real test I think of whether we have grasped the Biblical essence of manhood and womanhood and affirm it as true and beautiful — the real test is whether Paul's application of it to the life of the church surprises and offends us or not. If the New Testament roles for man and woman in marriage are rooted not in sinful pride and not in cultural expectations, but in God's original design for creation, then how would you expect this original design to express itself in the life of the church? That's what we have before us today in 1 Timothy 2:11-14.

Let's seat ourselves before these unpopular verses and listen for a few minutes, and see if the story they tell is really as unattractive as so many think it is.

Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over men; she is to keep silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.

I think what we need to do in order to understand the submissiveness in this text is patiently think through the meaning of "silence" ("Let a woman learn in silence.") and the meaning of "teaching" ("I do not permit a woman to teach.") and the meaning of "authority" ("or to have authority over men.") So let's take these one at time.

l) First "silence." Verse 11: "Let a woman learn in silence." Notice that the word "silence" is used two other times in nearby verses.
The word for silence here (hesuchia) is used earlier in verse 2 of this chapter (hesuchion). But there it refers to the "quiet" life which all godly people should lead. "Pray . . . that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life, godly and respectful in every way." This gives you the tone and the extent of the word. It doesn't refer to absolute silence: a "quiet" and peaceable life is not a life of total silence. It's a life untroubled and serene and content. So the silence doesn't seem to be total. It's more like what we would call "quietness."

You can see this especially at the end of verse 12. The same word is used again. But this time you can tell what Paul has in mind by its opposite. He says, "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over men, (literally:) but to be silent." "Not to have authority over men, but to be silent." In other words this quietness is the opposite of exercising authority over men. "Don't exercise authority over men, instead be silent."

So what sort of quietness does Paul have in mind? It's the kind of quietness that respects and honors the leadership of the men God has called to oversee the church. Verse 11 says that the quietness is "in all submissiveness," and verse 12 says the quietness is the opposite of "authority over men," and so the point is not whether a woman says nothing, but whether she is submissive and whether she supports the authority of the men God has called to oversee the church. Quietness means not speaking in a way that compromises that authority.

We'll come back in a minute and be more specific about just what this submission is.

2) The second thing we need to look at is the reference to teaching in verse 12. How extensive is Paul's prohibition when he says, "I permit no woman to teach"?
To answer this, one thing we can do is look at other places where Paul and others talk about women teaching. For example in Titusÿ2:3 he says that the older women are to teach the younger women: (at the end of the verse:) "they are to teach what is good, and so train the younger women to love their husbands and childrenÿ.ÿ.ÿ."

Another example is 2 Timothy 3:14 where Paul tells Timothy to remember from whom he learned the scriptures. And the persons he has in mind (we can tell from 2 Tim. 1:5) are Eunice and Lois, Timothy's mother and grandmother. (His father was not a believer or even a Jew, Acts 16:3).

One other example is Priscilla. It says in Acts 18:26, "When Priscilla and Aquila heard Apollos, they took him and expounded to him the way of God more accurately."

So, it's not likely that Paul is saying in 1 Timothy 2:12 that every kind of teaching is forbidden to women. There are examples of them teaching younger women, teaching children, and in some way teaming up with their husbands to give private instruction when someone is confused or uninformed like Apollos. Those are just some examples. Is it possible to generalize then about what Paul does have in mind here when he says, "I do not permit a woman to teach" ?I think the safest thing to do is let the next phrase guide us. The next phrase is, " . . . or exercise authority over men." "I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over men."

Instead of letting the word "teach" mean anything we want it to mean or think it might mean, it's safer to say, it probably means a kind of teaching that somehow relates to authority. Teach and exercise authority go together. So at least one general thing we can say about women teaching is that Paul forbids it when it is part of the exercise of authority over men.

That leads us to the third question, namely, what is this "authority" referred to in verse 12?

3) The key that unlocks this door is a very interesting observation. When you read the rest of 1 Timothy about the role of elders in the church what you find is that the elders had two basic responsibilities: they were to govern and they were to teach. You can see this in the qualifications of 3:1-7, but the easiest place to see it is in 5:17, "Let the elders who rule (or govern) well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching."

Elders rule or govern, and elders teach or preach. Back in Acts 20:28, you may recall, the elders in the church at Ephesus were called by the Holy Spirit and made "overseers" and charged with "pasturing" or feeding the flock, that is teaching the whole counsel of God.

I don't think it's coincidental that what Paul says in 1 Timothy 2:12 is that he does not permit a woman to teach and exercise authority over men. He is saying in essence: I do not permit women to fill the office of elder in the church. The elders are charged with the leadership and instruction of the church. That's a summary of their job. So when Paul puts those two things together and says, "I do not permit a woman to teach or exercise authority," the most natural sense is, "I do not permit a woman to assume the office of elder in the church."

So the authority Paul has in mind in 1 Timothy 2:12 is the authority of elders. And what is that supposed to look like? Well we saw already from Jesus in Luke 22:26 what it's supposed to look like: "Let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves." Paul said in 2 Corinthians 10:8 and 13:10 that God gave him authority in the church not for tearing down or destroying but for building up. And Peter said to the elders of the churches (1 Peter 5:3) "Do not domineer over those in your charge, but be examples to the flock."

In other words, elder-authority is servant-authority. Elder-leadership is servant-leadership. That's why teaching is at the heart of this calling. Elder-authority leads by persuasion — by teaching — not by coercion or political maneuvering. Elder-authority is always subordinate to Biblical texts. It can always be called to account by Scripture. Therefore teaching is the primary instrument of leadership in the church.

I think it would be helpful to step back here and try to do for the concepts of authority and submission in the church what we did for the concepts of headship and submission in the home, namely give a crisp definition of each.

"Authority" refers to the divine calling of spiritual, gifted men to take primary responsibility as elders for Christ-like, servant-leadership, and teaching in the church.

"Submission" refers to the divine calling of the rest of the church, both men and women, to honor and affirm the leadership of the elders and to be equipped by it for the hundreds and hundreds of various ministries available to men and women in the service of Christ.

And that last point is very important. For men and women who have a heart to minister — to save souls and heal broken lives and resist evil and meet needs — there are fields of opportunity that are simply endless. God intends for the entire church to be mobilized in ministry, male and female. Nobody is to be at home watching soaps and reruns while the world burns. And God intends to equip and mobilize the saints through a company of spiritual men who take primary responsibility for leadership and teaching in the church.

There are many voices today who claim to know a better way to equip and mobilize the men and women of the church for ministry. But I commend to you this morning with all my heart the plain meaning of these verses:

that manhood and womanhood mesh better in ministry when men take primary responsibility for leadership and teaching in the church.
that manhood and womanhood are better preserved and better nurtured and more fulfilled and more fruitful in this church order than in any other.
I commend this to you for your belief and for your behavior, because

this is the way the Scriptures teach us to order the church,
and God inspired the Scriptures
and God is good.

Tired. . . fingers barely hitting keys . . .

Good night tonight. Day shaped up rather nice. Good developments. Too tired to write about it. Spent much of the evening catching up on tasks around the apartment but also dialoguing with Erin on issues of disagreement between our two denominations.

I think the biggest problem with The Church today is its filled with people who think God owes us answers to all our questions. We're simply not content to realize some issues will always have tension, some things will simply not be understood, and some disagreements will always occur. This refusal to surrender to our own inability to totally understand causes us to nitpick and fight instead of focusing on the only thing that matters: the grace of God and our desire to glorify Him and tell others of that grace.

The more you learn about God, the more mysterious he becomes. Rich Mullins once said "Maybe God gave us all the Scriptures to show us that He's right and we're just guessing." I wouldn't say guessing is the right word; but he's got a point. Why should we finite sinners think we can totally comprehend God? The closer we get to Him, the larger and more mysterious and complex he becomes.

I'm going back to the well with another Caedmon's Call song that has been going through my head all night.

Beautiful Mystery
I tried to know
Every mystery
Soon realized, no
It was too much for me

'Cause most things true
Are simple and complex
So it is with You
What else should I expect

You suffer the seeker
In You they abide

You are to me
A beautiful mystery
You are to me
A Servant and a King
You're a beautiful mystery

You're like the water
I can feel but not grasp
Still You say all I've gotta do
Is seek and knock and ask

You are to the river
What hems it in and sets it free

The truth is a river
Where the strong can swim down deep
The weak and the broken
Can walk across so easily

When our trains derail . . .

So this morning I go out to leave for work at 7:00 and it takes me 20 minutes just to go four miles!! I hate traffic. I couldn't be late because I didn't want a write up, so I called and took the morning off (my attendance record is a lot better than my tardies, so that's no risk.) But still, I hate doing that. I hate having a job where I can do that, because it means I'm expendable. I don't show up and it goes on. I'm nonessential. Not throwing a pity party, it's just that I recognize that the role of a customer service rep is not much farther up from the counter clerk at McDonald's . . . pretty much anyone can do it. But at least I DO have a job, it pays well and I'm reaally adjusting to the fact that it's only temporary.

Taking the morning off has had its benefits. I've gotten to dedicate more time to the job search. I think I'm going to really polish my resume after this and send it out this week to Marx Layne, the PR firm I interned at in college. I have been looking at Verizon as being a detriment to me getting into a communications career. But, honestly, I can use it as a strength. My journalism degree gives me the writing and reseaarching skills. But so much of Public Relations is built off on interaction with clients, and Customer Service has developed good people skills in me.

It's giving me time to talk to my counselor about the drop, as well. It looks like it's going to work. I hope so. I can't do this class with the other obligations I have going on.

That's my morning. . . Hopefully a better update later today!

C-Dubbs

Nightime nuggets. . .

I have the Pistons game on in the background, so I'm just taking this time to absent-mindedly fill my blog. It's been a long day and I'm pretty beat, so I'm going to try and make it short. . .

Did I do any better loving people today? Well, tolerating them. So I guess that's progress. Seriously, it's hard to love my customers, especially when you see their worst side and when they tell you "go to hell." Sigh. But, I was calm. I kept my tone consistent. So we'll see what happens tomorrow. . .

Think I'm taking a short leave from school just for this class. My schedule is taking me out of town next weekend and I'm going to miss the last class because of my Kings Island trip. So I think I'm going to pass off on this and then just pick things up with the next class and make up my econ stuff later down the road. I have a friend who works at Phoenix who's going to help me out . . .

Tonight after work I went to Erin's house for a bit for dinner with her and her friend, Miriam and Miriam's daugher, Zellie. It was fun. I went home around 8:30 to do my homework, but that's when I took a gander at my schedule and realized I may have to make some changes. . .

Been thinking about what Hannah commented on my last post. (Read it if you haven't.) I suppose I've always known that one of God's reasons for having me at Verizon has been to mold me into the person I'm supposed to be. Growing's tough and I don't alays like where I am. But I'm where God wants me to be. Thanks again, Hannah. . .

Payday is in a week. It will be nice to have money again. . . .

Rest of the week is pretty relaxing. As long as I get everything straight with school tomorrow and dropping the class, I'll have tomorrow night free to do some job searching and freelance probing. Thursday night I'm getting coffee with Erin's friend, Christina, since she lives nearby. Friday night I'll probably stay in and watch a movie or read. Saturday, Erin and I are supposed to do something, but I'm not sure what.

That's 'bout it right now. Score is 68-63 right now, Lakers in the lead. I've never been a huge sports fan, but basketball can be pretty exciting on a close game like this. Talk to ya'll later.
C-Dubbs