I'm Chris Williams, and I approved this blog . . .

Remember all that stuff I said earlier about feeling better today? Scratch that!! Come nightime, my sinuses came roaring back with a vengeance. Thankfully I'm not leaking or sneezing like I was last night. But I do have that sinus headache that just presses against your nose like a vice grip. Plus I'm feeling the soreness that comes from torturing myself on the weight machines at the gym yesterday. Yuck :( Looks like I'll be getting comfortable with the Nyquil again tonight!!

I had bought Ashley a CD by a group called "Casting Crowns" for her birthday. . . a month late (I know, I'm a horrible brother!) But I picked up a copy for myself today. I was told by my brother that they sound like Nickleback, but he was way off. But it is a pretty good CD on the first run through. I can't really place who they sound like; maybe a much better version of Mercy Me (a very overrated band, IMHO, but I like Casting Crowns).

I'm so glad class got out early tonight. I thought I was going to die in there, my head was killing me so bad!! Now I don't go back for three weeks, so I have some time to relax.

Praying for a better day at work tomorrow . . . was in a rotten mood today, as is becoming more and more the case, sadly enough. But tomorrow night will be fun. I'm meeting Erin and Alice at Red Lobster for dinner. And an all new Apprentice and ER are on! Plus only two days left until the weekend!!

That's about it for right now. Nothing big or serious to write because my brain's not that focused at the moment. Hopefully when this cold wears off I'll be able to have the concentration to write something really inspiring! Until then, I'm out!! Don't get fooled tomorrow!!

C-Dubbs

More lunch hour ramblings. . . .

I'm feeling a bit better today. Not as congested. Still, I took Nyquil last night and now I'm enduring the dreaded "Nyquil hangover." You know what I'm talking about. . . that groggy, weak, out-of-it feeling where you just are very subdued and blase? It's still better than sniffling, sneezing, and wiping my nose every few seconds, so I guess I'll take it!

They moved me to a new, small cube today at work. I'm still by a window, but this just feels more cramped and confined. I miss my old, big desk!! I felt somewhat powerful there!!!

Tonight is (finally!) the last night of my Human Relations and Organizational Management class. I really wish I had gone through it with another teacher. Dr. Dickie's a nice enough guy, but lazy as heck. The material was actually very interesting, but I would have liked to have had a teacher who actually taught instead of going out to his car to stretch his back every five seconds and leaving us to our own devices. . .

The countdown continues. . . 12 Days until we leave for Florida!! Goodbye cold, gray, and snow. . . hello beaches and bikinis (on the girls, not on me).

Looking back at my previous blog entries, I'm aghast (aghast!) at the number of spelling and grammar errors, especially coming from a journalism graduate like myself. But oh well. . . that's why real reporters have editors. And probably why I'm stuck answering the phones instead of chasing leads.

At least the weekend seems to be approaching rapidly. Not that anything huge is planned. Actually, so far, nothing is planned. Nothing Friday. Nothing Saturday. Nothing Sunday. I'm sure things will come up, though, so hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised. I should also get off my butt and hit the grocery store, finally get my suit altered, and buy some clothes for Florida. I've been procrastinating way too long!!

Speaking of procrastinating, I really need to use the rest of my lunch hour to do my devotions and read my chapters for tonight. I'll write more tonight or tomorrow!!

C-Dubbs

Ramblings on a sickly Tuesday night. . .

I think habit is the only thing that's giving me the desire to write tonight. The Michigan weather, which had recently been in the 50s and 60s has dipped back down into rainy 30s and 40s. . . standard early-Spring weather, sadly enough. And with that comes the onslaught of sinus problems and the early spring colds. So right now I'm basically just writing to fulfill my commitment to write each day. In a few minutes I have a date with the Nyquil bottle. Seriously, I'm so tired and sniffly right now that I feel like I could crawl up under my covers and sleep through the Rapture.

Nothing really to note today. Work was just kind of standard. . . my attitude sucked because of these irritating sinuses. But other than that, nothing horrible. Went to the gym and got a good workout afterward. . . which I promptly reversed the effects of, I'm sure, gorging on pizza with my Dad afterward. But who cares. . . Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready may be the best thing that a pizza company ever came up with!! For $5 you can get a meal that will last at least two or three days. Got bless Mike Illitch and his genius marketing team!!

Other big news (for me, at least) is that Fox's Tuesday night line-up was actually worth watching for the first time in weeks. I wrote before how disappointed I've been with American Idol this season. Well tonight it was finally what I've come to expect. A few of the performances just blew me out of their water. It didn't hurt that it was Motown night. . . gotta love that Detroit sound!!

And 24, my all-time favorite show, returned after five weeks off, and it came back with a real bang!! This season hasn't been bad by any means--the twists they've been able to pull off have been some of the best in the series' history and they've actually been able to keep me stunned and unable to predict what's going to happen. But what I've always felt was missing this third season was that crazy, the end is nigh feeling that last season had. That feeling that it was the end of the the world and there was little hope to stop it.

Tonight, with releasing the virus in the hotel, it finally went nuts. And it was probably the best episode all season. . .although next week's idea of suicide pills looks gripping as well. Nine more weeks til the finale!! Can't wait!!

Two weeks and I'll be lying on a beach in Florida!! Come quickly!!

Okay, and with that I'm outta here and hitting the sack. I'll write tomorrow!

C-Dubbs
cdubbs727@msn.com

Moooonnnnnndaaaaaaayyyyyyy. . . .

Not really an eventful Monday here. Work was just standard. I went to the gym. Washed my bedsheets. That was really about it. You know you've had a pretty boring day when the highlight of your day is washing the things you sleep in, I guess. Now I'm just sitting here at Deebe's, enjoying a chai and contributing to my ever growing blog, which is now one week old. I think this thing has turned into the written equivalent of the foil ball, where you keep adding and adding and soon it is totally out of your control!!

Today was just one of those days, though, where you end up kind of depressed and blase about things. The rain came down pretty steadily. There was nothing to look forward to at the end of the day. I drove in the gray and rain past factories, car repair shops, and the rest of the ugly facade of Warren, looking for any sign of life.

Diana had texted that she had a bad day at work. Brandon came home and he had had a bad day too. I had a fine day, but was just wondering what the whole point to everything really was. I mean, waking up at 6:30 to get sworn at and frustrated five daays a week just to pay off bills that keep coming back. Isn't there something a little bit better to live for as a Christian? Did God just take the day off and let us all run around in discontent?

Then I was told to look outside, to the west. The skies had begun to clear and a rainbow had formed. And this wasn't one of those weak, you gotta squint to see it rainbows. It was the full shebang. From one end of the sky to another. Just standing there, majestic and beautiful. And I smiled because God hadn't taken a day off. Once again, he proved that He's involved. Romans 8:28 was welling in my heart. . . all things work together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to Christ Jesus. Even in the bad times, God was standing nearby.

How does God work through our troubles? What does he give us? Maybe for Diana and Brandon, it was having someone to talk to to vent their frustrations or just say they were praying. For me, it was just knowing that I had friends who were. . . well, there. That not everyone I talked to had an agenda or plan against me. That I have people who I can just talk to and laugh with. And the rainbow was a sign that even when I can't see it, there is still beauty in the world. God is still on the throne. Even when it looks out of my hands, it's totally in His plan.

It sounds so cliche, doesn't it? To talk about a rough day and the beauty of God's creation? It is cliche, I'll admit. But you know what? I'm glad it's so cliche. Because it means God is faithful, just as He said He is. And it means that when life gets rough and stressful and I have those gray days, He'll still be there, waiting to surprise me with His beauty and joy!!

Well, that's it for now! Talk to you all later
C-Dubbs
cdubbs727@msn.com

Pretty good night tonight. Went with Diana and Erin to Starbucks and then went to go see The Ladykillers. The movie was definitely not Tom Hanks' best role. In fact, there were a lof of points where I was thinking "this is a really dumb movie," but yet I still was curious as to what was going to happen. Not a horrible movie, just not worth the $8.50 I had to pay to get in. But that's not what I really wanted to write about.

See, I'm a jerk.

Now, don't try to argue with me on that. It's true. I can be a bit of a jerk. I'm mean-spirited, cynical, sarcastic to a fault. I'm not always a loving, happy Christian to be around. In fact, sometimes I can just plain be, well, a jerk.

That's not all, by the way. I'm also a whore. Because if lust counts just as badly as sleeping around, then I am basically not any better than the town slut. I'm also a murderer. Because hatred can sometimes fill my veins, and Christ said to hate someone was just as bad as killing them. I also am a liar, a thief, a swindler, a gossip, a cheat, an oppressor. . . you name it, you're calling my game.

And yet. . . somehow, God's love still finds me.

I was thinking about that today. Pastor Bob was preaching out of John 15:12, about the commandment to love one another. And I realized I am not the most loving person out there. Oh, my friends may disagree. I'm loving to them. In fact, a few of them know that I would probably die for them. And my family would argue that I'm kind of loving. . . I'm willing to give of my time and energy to be around them. But to those I don't see everyday, especially to those who really don't treat me special, I can be a pretty vindictive creep.

And therein lies the rub. Because the commandment didn't say love only those who will love you in return. Christ said we are to love one another. And one another means everyone.

The reason I don't, I guess, is that I want people to prove themselves to me before I love them. I want my friends to show a little loyalty, a little selflessness. I want to know that they've earned my trust and love before I give it away. And for the person who treats me wrong, I don't want to waste my love on them.

Which brings me back to my previous statement about being a jerk, harlot, murderer and thief.

See, even though I know I'm saved not by works, but by grace, it's easy enough for me to think that somehow I earned it. That there was something special about me where God said, "Chris is the guy I want because of blah blah blah." But I've spent some time today meditating on Romans 5:6-8

For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good mand someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ didn't wait for me to come to Him before deciding to shower me with grace. He made the first move. He was the initiator. And when I look at all the horrible things I've done and still do, I really feel like I must fall on my knees and ask "why?" I don't understand why God decided to offer His grace to me. I don't think it is my place to understand. God will have mercy on whom He will have mercy. And I just am filled with so much humility and gratitude that He chose to bathe me in it.

And what does that mean to me? It means that I will love others before they prove themselves to me. Because I'm supposed to love them in the same way God loved me. Unconditionally. Perfectly.

There's a song that I was thinking of as I thought of it. It's by Cademon's Call and it's called "Mystery of Mercy." I want to post those lyrics for you.

Mystery of Mercy

I am the woman at the well, I am the harlot
I am the scattered seed that fell along the path
I am the son that ran away
And I am the bitter son that stayed

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King?

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song, the song I sing

I am the angry man who came to stone the lover
I am the woman there ashamed before the crowd
I am the leper that gave thanks
But I am the nine that never came

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King?

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song, the song I sing

You made the seed that made the tree
That made the cross that saved me
You gave me hope when there was none
You gave me your only Son

Alright, it's bedtime. Any questions or comments? E-mail me at:
cdubbs727@msn.com

Later,
C-Dubbs

One of God's greatest little gifts. . . The Sunday nap

Just taking a break from homework and bill paying this afternoon to write in my little blog here. It's just a typical Sunday afternoon here. Ryan's bachelor party went good last night. Just went to Buffalo Wild Wings for the Piston's game and then to a pool hall for some (what else?) pool. He seemed to have a good time, and I'm glad he did. It was good to see some of my old friends again.

Church was good today. Pastor Bob's sermon was on loving one another and really was one I want to put to heart. Sometimes I think that loving others is optional, but I scarcely think of it as a commandment, and that's something that needs to change. Went to Applebee's with Diana afterward, since my parents decided to skip out after the second service with Ashley. Now, after a nice nap, I'm just catching up on the homework and bill playing that I should have done yesterday and just kept putting off. . . .sigh, I'm such a procrastinator.

Going to see The Ladykillerswith Tom Hanks tonight. Should be good. . . I can't remember the last bad movie he's done.

I have more I want to write. There's a lot I was focusing on today that I wanted to write about, but I know if I do I'm going to be pressed for time. So, I'll try and write it tonight.

C-Dubbs

I had forgotten all about this song since I lost the CD it was on about a year ago. But, being one of my fav CDs, I picked it up at Walmart yesterday and found this song again. It really fits where I am right now. . .

Less is more
Relient K

Jesus, I pray, take all my mistakes.
Throw them away.
Destroy them for my sake.
Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry.
Because I fall so short of your glory.
To the best of my ability, I'm practicing humility,
and I lay myself before 'cause less is more.

All that I have I lay before,
with my pride on the floor.
'Cause to you less is more.

I pour out myself, all that I am.
You love me so much that you fill me again.
And may these words, on my heart, on my lips,
somehow mean so much more than this.
Jesus I pray, know what I'm trying to say.

I pour out myself, before you, oh Lord.
I hold nothing back,
'cause to you less is more.
And may these words, on my heart, on my lips,
somehow mean so much more than this.
Jesus I pray, know what I'm trying to say.

Jesus, I plead, please purify me.
Make my heart clean, drench me with your mercy.
Jesus, I pray, I love you, I need you.
For the rest of my days, I swear I will seek you.
To the best of my ability, I'm practicing humility,
and I lay myself before, 'cause less is more.

Honey Nut Cheerios and coffee. The breakfast of champions. . .

Saturday morning. 8:40. Why am I up??!! I know the answer is that I'm leaving in a few to go help out at church. But do you know how long it's been since I've had a Saturday where I can sleep in?? Oh well. Florida is coming soon. Two weeks, two weeks, two weeks. . . .

Saw Jersey Girl lat night. I won't go into a full review, because this blog is already risking turning into the Entertainment Section of your local paper. But I'll just comment on it. I really enjoyed it. Some may think Kevin Smith's sold-out with this, doing a PG-13 movie about a guy and his kid. But I think that would be an unfair accusation. If he sold out, he would be doing a formula movie. But this film still showcases hit wit, honesty, and sharp skill with a pen. It's a more grown up movie for him and I'm glad he went in that direction. It's probably his most accomplished film since Chasing Amy, and I'll give him bonus points for doing it without the extreme vulgarity (although there are a few Smith-isms in there. . . there's a great scene where Ben Affleck has to change the baby's diapers, and only Kevin Smith could come up with that dialogue.) It's not his funniest movie; for me that would be Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. But it could possibly be my favorite movie he's done. . .

So much to do. I have to pay my bills today, clean up my extremely messy bedroom and bathroom, hit the gym. And as I sit here and go over all the things I have to do before leaving for Floriday, I'm wondering if there are enough hours in the day. Need to get my suit altered. Have to try on all the clothes for summer and make sure they fit. If they don't fit, I have to go out and buy new clothes. I have to by some shoes. Aaarggh...too much more to even mention. Plus, there's homework this weekend. At least after this Wednesday I get a three week break from that. . .

Ryan's bachelor party's tonight at BW3's. Looking forward to it, even as I don't really enjoy sports all too much. But some old friends from my old church will be there, and it's always fun to see them. . .

Do I use too many ellipses? . . .

Been stinking up the joint lately with my devotional habits, which is very rare for me. I'm still doing them, but it's becoming way too easy anymore to just brush them aside for the day and say "I'll do them tomorrow." And don't get me started on my prayer life. . .

I should probably get going now. Gotta be at the church in like five minutes and I have to brush my teeth or I'll have wicked coffee breath all morning. I'll write more later. (Based on how much I write, I can't tell if that's a threat or a promise.)

C-Dubbs
cdubbs727@msn.com

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind review and some minor ramblings. . .

Took advantage of my early departure today to hit the Forum and see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet. On my way down Mound, there was a part of me really wondering if I wanted to head to the movies. After all, I'm already going tonight and Sunday night Erin and I may catch The Ladykillers. But I had the extra cash and I knew my alternative would be to head back to my apartment and either nap or watch tv, so this was probably as good an alternative as any.

And this is one time in my life when I'm very glad I followed my instincts. I went in expecting a quirky indie romp that would probably have some twists ala screenwriter Charlie Kaufman, and some laughs via Jim Carrey. I was not expecting to witness one of the best, most honest movies about love that I have ever seen.

To describe this movie would not do it justice. The only way I could prepare someone would be to tell them it's a stylistic mix of
21 Grams, Memento, and Being John Malkovich . But even that wouldn't work. Because this isn't as depressing as the first. It's got more heart than the second, and even though the screenwriter is the same as John Malkovich's, this time the brilliance doesn't make us feel too aloof to appreciate it. This movie, simply put, is brilliant, moving, and possibly the best romantic comedy I've ever seen. If you can call it a romantic comedy. Because despite Jim Carrey in the starring role, this movie depends more on plucking our heartstrings than on nudging our funny bones.

I won't describe the plot. You owe it to yourself to discover it on your own. But the ideas are so interesting. What if you could erase the memories of that old love who broke your heart? Even if it meant losing the good ones? Do we tend to remember the bad memories and forget the good ones they were built around? If we don't have good and bad, can we really be truly in love? Doesn't love depend on knowing and excepting one another's flaws? What if you knew in advance that a person would steal your heart and sweep you off your feet. . . but that along with that, there would be pain, harsh words, boredom. . . would it still be worth it? If we can't remember our mistakes, are we just doomed to repeat them?

This movie answers all of those in such an entertaining way. It may strike some as confusing at first, but if you hang in there, everything pays off. It's a movie about all things about love--the inconvenience of it, the fear of it, the joy of it, the hurt it causes. It's about accepting the one you love, warts and all. There's a scene in the movie near the end with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet in his apartment hallway. And the simple word "okay" in that scene carries more weight and emotion than any other embrace, "I love you," or kiss in any movie I've ever seen.

The acting is top notch. Jim Carrey is more or less the straight guy in this role, and this is the most impressive acting he's ever displayed. None of the over-reacting of Truman Show, the bizarre nature of Andy Kauffman, or the blandness of the Majestic (speaking of erasing painful memories.) He reigns himself in, and totally disappears into the role. These are the types of quirky films he should be doing if he wants to prove his range. I've never much admired Kate Winslet, not even in that big boat movie (although I do love the movie.) But in here, her character Clementine totally won me over. I was totally sold for her and in love with this character. Tom Wilkinson, Elijah Wood, Kirsten Dundst, and Mark Ruffalo all give great performances in their small, but pivotal, rolls.

Some people may get frustrated by the fragmented nature of the story. I'm not always the biggest fan of doing things this way, but here is an instance where it worked. Take a chance on this movie, especially if your only other option this weekend involves Scooby Doo. I know some may call this heresy so soon after The Passion, but this is my favorite film so far this short year.

In other news . . .

The thing I hate most about apartment living is laundry. It seems that every time I have a few spare hours to do it, someone else is taking the opportunity from me. And the worst part is when they leave their clothes in their for hours on end and neglect the dryer. Aarrrggh!!!

Busy weekend coming up. Hitting the movies (again) with Erin and Diana tonight. Have to help out at the church this morning (they want people there at 8. . .isn't it a sin to be up that early on a Saturday?) Ryan's bachelor party is tomorrow night. Sunday is church. . .

Only two more weeks til Florida! Can't wait! A nice, long vacation is just what the doctor ordered.

Okay, I think the Simpsons is about to come on. I'll write more later. . .

C-Dubbs

Dawn of the Dead Review. . .

So just came out of my second time seeing Dawn of the Dead, and figured I'd jot down some of my thoughts about it. I am strongly convinced that this might be one of the best horror movies I've seen in years. It's scary, intense, and suspenseful. . .and while it pushes itself to the limits, it's doesn't do what the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake did and just try to disgust it's audience. It knows what to show and when to pull away.

Some people will quibble that it's not as good as the original, but I'm going to disagree. I think the original was interesting and eerie, but not terrifying. The slow zombies were scary because they were everywhere, but there was never that sense of terror. And some will point out that the social satire that permeated the original (its attacks on consumerism) are not in the new version. But, I disagree. I think that this is a perfect horror movie for our time. And I'll launch into a quick rundown of why.

The fast-moving zombies are a great mirror of our frentic, aggressive, give-it-to-me-now times. Our celebrity fixation is poked fun at. And the hand-held, sped up footage at the end as the streets turn into a war zone is a perfect view of our post-9/11 culture.

But all those things simply enhance this movie. It's great because, at heart, it's an honest-to-goodness take-no-prisoners horror movie. There's humor, but not that ironic "Scream" quality. The characters are terrified about what's happening. The situation feels real and the characters are surprisingly (for this genre) developed enough to care about. Plus, it starts before the main credits and doesn't end until during the end credits. That intensity is what was lacking in the similar "28 Days Later."

This sounds like a geeky review, and it is. But I loved this movie. I like being scared. I like dark endings and wicked thrills. This was a great horror movie, something that hasn't been done in awhile. It's not perfect. Some very stupid moves are made. And I swear the security guard ripped his character's style (down to the mustache) and attitude (including one almost-word-for-word-riff) off Ben Stiller's sadistic attendant in Happy Gilmore.

Well, that's about it for today. I'll write tomorrow when Jersey Girl is on the agenda!!

C-Dubbs

What keeps me going here at work? Admist the anger, stupidity, and pure insanity of my callers, how do I keep things in perspective? Well, I have two quotes on my desk I'd like to share with you. . .

It is not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. Who strives valiantly. . . who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause. Who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known either victory nor defeat.

--Teddy Roosevelt

The other one is from an excellent book I read called The Traveler's Gift It's seven decisions for being successful:

1. The buck stops here. I am responsible for my past and my future.

2. I will seek wisdom. I will be a servant to others.

3. I am a person of action. I seize this moment. I choose now.

4. I have a decided heart. My destiny is assured.

5. (Most important!!) Today I will CHOOSE to be happy. I am the possessor of a grateful spirit.

6. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself.

7 I will persist without exception. I am a person of great faith.

If you get discouraged in your life, these are excellent motivators!

C-Dubbs

More rambling from the lunch hour trenches. . .

So far, a beautiful spring day today. Balmy and 58 and the sun has been out most the day! Rain is on the way. But you know what April (or March) showers bring. . . worms.

I'm thinking more and more about this idea of becoming a teacher. Erin thinks it's a good idea, too, as long as I don't revert to my "painfully shy" self. College would be ideal. . . maybe a journalism professor, or a creative writing teacher. Or FILM!! The would be good. I just want a job where I make a difference. . .

After a three month beginning of the year drought where the only big movie of note was The Passion of the Christ, I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the number of great movies coming out. I still have to see Eternal Sunshine. I'm seeing Jersey Girl with Erin and Diana tomorrow night (I will so be the mac daddy with two girls there, lol!) But I still need to see The Ladykillers, and then next week is Hellboy, and then April 16, Kill Bill !! And that's all before the summer season!!

I'm taking another half-vacation day tomorrow at noon. Part of me thinks that's too many too soon, but honestly I still have 10 vacation days and 7 personal left. And I'll probably do some shuffling around. Plus, would YOU pass up the opportunity to start the weekend early??

Tonight going to see Dawn of the Dead again with B-Wood. Can't wait to see it a second time. Scary as all get out!!

I haven't had any soda products since Sunday. Almost a week without pop!! I'm sure my body's thanking me!!

My professor talked to me after class last night and told me I'd have no problems as I pursued my Master's because I have it on the ball! He's also going to write recommendations for me with some GM contract workers!!

Okay, I'd better go. It's about time for my afternoon chai!! Write more tonight!!

Okay, okay. I said don't get used to 3 posts a day. But sue me. I'm getting used to the novelty of this and those who know me the most know that I always have a ton to say, even if they don't want to hear it!!

By the way. . . disregard the times these are posted. It's coming in as 3 hours before. It's really almost midnight here.

Anyway, I just wanted to talk about something I had heard this week, from a friend. They were writing that they sometimes felt like they didn't have the same type of relationship with God that others had. That sometimes others looked down on them, maybe for things in the past and maybe for other reasons. . . maybe they just weren't as bubbly and fake and shove-love-down-your-throat as other Christians can be, lol.

Of course, I was quick to bat off the comment. But it stuck with me. Because sometimes perceptions can be wrong.

I won't lie: on the outside, I'm a pretty decent person. I don't drink or smoke or chew and I don't run with those who do, as the old rhyme goes. And sometimes it can get to the point where I personally look at someone who doesn't express their relationship with God the same way as I do or who may have some struggles in different areas than I do. And I'd be lying if I said there weren't instances when prejudices flared up and I wanted to put myself back up on a higher holy pedestal than them.

And yet. . . I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world to do that. Derek Webb wrote a lyric that went

"My life looks good, I do confess/You can ask anyone/Just don't ask my real good friends/'Cause they will lie to you/Or worse they'll tell the truth./Cause there are things you would not believe/that travel into my mind/I swear I try and capture them, but always set 'em free/It seems bad things comfort me"

It's easy to step into a church and pick out who you think is Joe Christian. They're the person who's probably memorized Bible verses, who is dressed prim and proper, who is quick to volunteer for everything the church needs. And we look at these people as the epitome of faith. The people we aspire to be like. These, we think, are the REAL Christians.

But what if we could get a God's-eye view? What if we could X-Ray past the surface? What if we could delve into the hearts and the minds of the people who attend our churches. Maybe on Sundays we'd see something fit for Disney. But weekdays, I guarantee you that those same "super Christians" would have enough filth in their thoughts and hatred in some of their actions and lust in their hearts to make you cringe. Why? Because we're sinners. As the Word says, no one is righteous, not one.
I can guarantee you that if you were to X-Ray into the thoughts of John MacArthur or Billy Graham, you'd see some of the same things you'd see passing through the brains of convicts in prison.

Do you see what grace does? It levels the playing field. As Ephesians says, "No one can boast." There's no such thing as a better christian. As Christians, we're beggars who have found food.

In fact, I wonder if some of the people who we would sometimes rashly peg as "lesser christians" have a better grasp of grace than us "super redeemed." After all, who did Christ come to? The screw ups. The people who messed up. Why? Because they were the ones who knew that grace was their only hope. And they clung to it like there was no tomorrow.

If I have a glass of water, I'm sure I'll think it's pretty decent (if bland). But let's say I was dying of thirst. My lungs are parched. My lips are chapped. The sun is beating down on me. And someone offers me a cold glass of water. I'll tell you what. . . I'm going to think that water is the best glass of water in the whole world. And that's the way I wonder if those who are "lesser"(note that I don't like that term) are. They've been down and have tasted the refreshment of grace in a way that those of us who have been sheltered for so long and content in our "goodness" haven't. And you know what? Those are the Christians I want to be around. Because they're the ones who know how good God is and how much we need Him.

Okay, I promise that's all for tonight! Time for bed!
C-Dubbs

Brandon (my roomate) is wondering how many people will actually care enough to take a look at this each day. While I think he has a valid point--my life isn't exactly exciting--I think it's worth noting that I don't necessarily write all this so that everyone can read it. Sometimes you just have thoughts you want to get out. Although I hope people read it and maybe take away some insight from it.

By the way, pardon any errors I have in my posts for right now. I'm having some trouble getting used to this submission process and, as a result, some posts are double-posted or such.

Anyway, something my dad told me has been running through my mind this week. Monday when I stopped by for dinner, I was complaining about how much I detest my job. . . which, I do. There's no really getting around that. And he told me "the only reason you're there right now is by choice."

I was thinking about that today. See, I've decided it's definitely time to start looking to make a career move. Nothing against Verizon; as a company, it's been great. But after three years, I'm not holding my breath about the potential for moving up. And the job, at the risk of sounding prideful, is honestly beneath my capabilities. You need a GED for it. . . and I'm pursuing my MBA right now. Plus, it's gotten to the point where it's had an affect on my health to some degree. Not physically, but mentally. I'm very tense and stressed out come five o'clock and if you catch me ont he wrong day, this job can actually make you a bit depressed. Just something about being in such a negative environment. Customers don't call to say "good work." They call to complain about their bills and yell, scream, and swear. And while I'm good at what I do, that doesn't mean I have to keep doing it.

So what's holding me back from jumping ship? Golden handcuffs, for one (a phrase I learned in school and from Dilbert.) When a company offers you as many benefits as Verizon does, it's hard to leave. I get an obscene amount of vacation and personal time, great health benefits, tuition reimbursment, and the pay isn't bad at all. And when you look at those things, it's hard to give them up. I always vowed I would never stay at a job just for money, but when you enter the real world it's definitely a consideration you have to look at.

The other thing is definitely fear. I've been at VZW for going on four years in May. Before that, I was a cashier at Sam's Club! I don't have much office experience. Where would I go? What would I do? But that's a typical fear, I guess. Truth is, with my communications degree, customer service background, and the business skills I'm acquiring at Phoenix, I'm probably a very marketable individual. But much like falling in love, taking that jump to a new career is terrifying.

I used to look at my background as a hinderance. I studied journalism and got my degree in that. I've worked customer service for four years in a call center. And now I'm pursuing a marketing degree that I won't have until June, 2005. And for the longest time, I've been fearing that I'm being pigeon-holed.

But if I start looking now, I can be prepared down the road for whatever I decide to pursue. Maybe I can go back and do some freelancing. Maybe dust off my portfolio and look back at journalism. Go to another call center, but as a manager, something Verizon's not offering to me. Public Relations. The idea of teaching is even something I've been thinking more about. Going back after my master's and getting my teaching certificate, and teaching in high school, middle school. Even without a certificate, I could still teach undergrad classes at college once I have my master's.

It all depends on perspective, I guess. I can look at things one way and see myself stuck at Verizon for an undetermined amount of time. But I think the way I want to choose looking at it is as a person who's at Verizon taking his time to carefully explore every opportunity so that when God opens a door, I can walk through and use the gifts He's given me to the best of my ability.

Well, that's about it for tonight. Chappelle's show comes on in about 15 minutes and I have to pack a lunch for tomorry and put the coffee on. Thanks for enduring my blathering!

Any questions, comments, complaints, or queries? E-mail me at
cdubbs727@msn.com


Until we chat again!
C-Dubbs

Some random thoughts from the trenches here at work. . .

Just getting back from lunch and I have my hazelnut cappucinno here. I think I drink too much cofffee. But I need my energy. Plus, I've pretty much given up pop, so this is a trade-off. . . .

I'm surprised at the people who call in and want to know if they can pay their bills late. If I called my electric company and asked that, I'd be laughed off the phone! Why is a cell phone any different!?

Only two weeks left of Bill Dickie's class. Not a big fan of the teacher at school. My Law class was postponed until April 21, so I have two well-needed weeks off and won't have to make any adjustments for my Florida trip!!

Finally a taste of Spring today. Yeah, it's rainy, but I'll take that over bitterly cold and snowy weather any day. I think by the weekend it's supposed to hit the 60s, which will be perfect for the outdoor work I'm helping out with at church this weekend.

Watched American Idol with Erin last night. I think people are way too mean to Simon. He's just being honest, and I totally agree with him on most his statements. Although did anyone catch him indadvertantly flipping off the contestants?? All in all, though, I'm very disappointed with this season. Just very very bland. Ah well. 24 returns next week!!

Also made it through an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy with Erin without any major damage. In fact--I shudder as I say this--some of their work was pretty darn good. I wonder how I would look as a metrosexual. . .

I never read my chapter for tonight!! I should probably get on that and brush up for my presentation!!

I'll try to write more tonight . . .

C-Dubbs

I really don't like my 8-5 shift. I kind of call it my traffic shift. I hit rush hour on the way to work, and I'm stuck in it on the way home. Can't wait until April, when it looks like I'll be back on my 7:30-4:30 shift. Anyway, not much happened today. Just another day of surviving at Verizon Wireless. The callers weren't bad, just kind of annoying, and I was very happy to get home.

Spent a lot of time thinking about Romans 8:28, "And we know thaat all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." I think if this was a verse that we, as followers of Christ, truly focused on, each day could be easier to get through and we'd experience much more joy here on Earth.

I guess it's easy to focus on this verse when things are going great. And even when life is tough, you can use this verse to make sense of your crises. But what about days that are just ordinary? Days when the little things just peck at you and erode your patience and threaten to drive you out of your mind? Can I really look at inconveniences like traffic and angry customers and focus on them the same way. . . that these things, which I would think seem so insignificant to God, are actually in some way working for my good?

I think the reason I have trouble remembering that is because I often forget what "good" is. Ultimately, good isn't about ending the day happy and relaxed, or getting through a week without any major conflicts. It's not about getting to work on time, or having enough money to catch that movie I really want to see. Romans 8 goes on to talk about the fact that because we were called, we were justified. And God is going to see that justification through to it's logical end, which is glorification. The ultimate goal of our lives is to glorify God. And he's given us the promise that in Heaven we will be Glorified.

So is it possible that I can focus on these things and see that even the little, annoying nits of life are working toward my good? Yes! If I keep in mind that Good means glorifying God. These tests of my patience are helping me to grow. They may not be days I look back on and remember vividly. In fact, I'll probably forget most of today's incidents by the time I fall asleep. But these little tests are helping me be molded into God's image. And that, I feel, is a very good thing!!

By the way, if anyone reads this and wishes to comment on it, feel free to drop me an e-mail at cdubbs727@msn.com.

Well, that's it for right now. I have to grab a shower and then I'm going to head out for the night.

Later,
C-Dubbs.

3 in one day. Wow. Don't get used to it. I'm just kind of amused at this desire to get my little life out there for the world to see. So the rest of the night wasn't too bad. Went to my parents' for dinner--chicken and rice in honor of my sister, who's home on Spring Break. Then off to the gym for some more torture. Why do we really enjoy punishing ourselves so much just to look good in front of the opposite sex? I mean, I'm all for wanting the girls to look my way, but sometimes I wonder if we're too obsessed with all these surface issues. You see people paying hundreds of dollars in gym memberships, but how many people spend the same amount of time in the Bible trying to get their lives straight? How many people actually take the same amount of mental effort in their relationships as they do the physical effort at the gym? Just ranting a bit, I guess.

Then it was home for a typical Monday night. Some TV, a light snack, and then bedtime. Nothing big today. Maybe tomorrow will bring something new!!

C-Dubbs

I don't know what to say today. Nothing much going on. Got off work a bit early and went grocery shopping and did laundry.

I guess when you move out on your own, as I've been for nearly a year, the things you look forward to kind of change. No longer is every night free to hang out with friends at the coffee shop or to spend hours shooting pool. Now you've got responsibility. And the big events in your life sometimes revolve around doing dishes, cleaning clothes, or stocking the fridge. Thursday is no longer "Must See TV" night (although you still watch it.) It's "clean up your mess" night. True, you still have friends over to hang out. . . but now you worry about them spilling Pepsi on the carpet or raiding the fridge. And when you do get to go out, it's like an escape or a prison break. A few hours of freedom before the wardens of order and cleanliness have to drag you back for reality. And work is no longer just there to help you pay for your dates or movie nights. It's a necessity that you wake up to go to every morning, and if you don't go, you have no way to live.

I know it sounds boring, and those of you still living with Mom and Dad might be wondering if it's really as bad as it sounds. It's not. It's a great time, and you begin to learn so much about yourself. You grow up fast, learn how this whole money thing works and begin to understand your strenghts and limitations.

I didn't really expect to dwell on all that right now, and I'm out of time and have to head to my parents' for dinner. But I hope to write more, something deeper (and happier!) a bit later!

Later,
C-Dubbs

What should I write to start this whole experience off with? I guess I'll just write a quick intro about who I am and what I hope to accomplish with this journal/log/blog/whatever. My name's Chris and I live in Warren, Michigan a city just outside of Detroit. I work for a cellular phone company in the customer service/complaints department. It's not great work, but it helps as I pursue my MBA in Marketing. I currently have a Bachelor's in journalism, but have decided not to pursue that field. The rest of the stuff about me will probably come out as I do these postings on a daily/weekly basis.

My main reason for writing this, however, is not just to vent or spew my own brand of rhetoric or jokes (although I guess that will happen sometimes.) My reason for writing is that in my walk with God, sometimes there are things that I just don't want to keep quiet. Some things that I may just feel like sharing or getting out of my system. Maybe some are deep, maybe some are more frivolous. I don't know. But sometimes you just can't hold it in and I guess this is a good forum for that, right?

Well, maybe I'll write more tonight. If not, tomorrow's a whole new day.
C-Dubbs.