Pretty good night tonight. Went with Diana and Erin to Starbucks and then went to go see The Ladykillers. The movie was definitely not Tom Hanks' best role. In fact, there were a lof of points where I was thinking "this is a really dumb movie," but yet I still was curious as to what was going to happen. Not a horrible movie, just not worth the $8.50 I had to pay to get in. But that's not what I really wanted to write about.

See, I'm a jerk.

Now, don't try to argue with me on that. It's true. I can be a bit of a jerk. I'm mean-spirited, cynical, sarcastic to a fault. I'm not always a loving, happy Christian to be around. In fact, sometimes I can just plain be, well, a jerk.

That's not all, by the way. I'm also a whore. Because if lust counts just as badly as sleeping around, then I am basically not any better than the town slut. I'm also a murderer. Because hatred can sometimes fill my veins, and Christ said to hate someone was just as bad as killing them. I also am a liar, a thief, a swindler, a gossip, a cheat, an oppressor. . . you name it, you're calling my game.

And yet. . . somehow, God's love still finds me.

I was thinking about that today. Pastor Bob was preaching out of John 15:12, about the commandment to love one another. And I realized I am not the most loving person out there. Oh, my friends may disagree. I'm loving to them. In fact, a few of them know that I would probably die for them. And my family would argue that I'm kind of loving. . . I'm willing to give of my time and energy to be around them. But to those I don't see everyday, especially to those who really don't treat me special, I can be a pretty vindictive creep.

And therein lies the rub. Because the commandment didn't say love only those who will love you in return. Christ said we are to love one another. And one another means everyone.

The reason I don't, I guess, is that I want people to prove themselves to me before I love them. I want my friends to show a little loyalty, a little selflessness. I want to know that they've earned my trust and love before I give it away. And for the person who treats me wrong, I don't want to waste my love on them.

Which brings me back to my previous statement about being a jerk, harlot, murderer and thief.

See, even though I know I'm saved not by works, but by grace, it's easy enough for me to think that somehow I earned it. That there was something special about me where God said, "Chris is the guy I want because of blah blah blah." But I've spent some time today meditating on Romans 5:6-8

For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good mand someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ didn't wait for me to come to Him before deciding to shower me with grace. He made the first move. He was the initiator. And when I look at all the horrible things I've done and still do, I really feel like I must fall on my knees and ask "why?" I don't understand why God decided to offer His grace to me. I don't think it is my place to understand. God will have mercy on whom He will have mercy. And I just am filled with so much humility and gratitude that He chose to bathe me in it.

And what does that mean to me? It means that I will love others before they prove themselves to me. Because I'm supposed to love them in the same way God loved me. Unconditionally. Perfectly.

There's a song that I was thinking of as I thought of it. It's by Cademon's Call and it's called "Mystery of Mercy." I want to post those lyrics for you.

Mystery of Mercy

I am the woman at the well, I am the harlot
I am the scattered seed that fell along the path
I am the son that ran away
And I am the bitter son that stayed

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King?

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song, the song I sing

I am the angry man who came to stone the lover
I am the woman there ashamed before the crowd
I am the leper that gave thanks
But I am the nine that never came

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King?

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song, the song I sing

You made the seed that made the tree
That made the cross that saved me
You gave me hope when there was none
You gave me your only Son

Alright, it's bedtime. Any questions or comments? E-mail me at:
cdubbs727@msn.com

Later,
C-Dubbs