Satur-dizz-ay...

Well, it's the end of the day on Saturday. Not a bad day. I worked a few hours this morning to get a few hours of overtime. Not too bad, but I would probably have rather been in bed. Came home, ate a subway sandwich (love subway) and then took a long nap before getting a haircut, working out a bit, and then taking a long shower. Tonight Erin and I went to her friend Miriam's apartment and had dinner with her and her husband. Erin also made it through her first two games of euchre and didn't do too bad. I love euchre, but only when I'm playing with people who don't take it too seriously, so tonight was fun. . .

So how's the prayer deal going? You might ask. It's been. . . tough. I've been doing it and doing my devotions, but there are some days when it just feels like...work. I don't have that feeling of closeness always when I pray or that feeling of lightbulbs going off when I do my devotions. And those are the times it becomes a struggle. Those are the moments, when I feel like not doing them, that I start getting frustrated and asking questions. Those moments are when my faith starts to waiver.

But God never told us our faith would always be a series of highs and euphoric feelings. Nor is it always a time of intense intellectual stimulation or intimate conversation. A relationship with God is just that, a relationship. And there are times when words and devotion flow from me like rivers and times when I just want to get to the last sentence and say Amen and finish the whole thing up for the day.

If you think about it, it's not much different from a relationship with a friend here on earth. I love my friends, especially Erin and Brandon. They are so much fun to be around and I love them both to death. And there are so many times when I'm having coffee with Erin and I feel like we're having a conversation that is plumbing new depths in our friendship. Or I'll go grab a movie with Brandon and feel like we're having a greater time than I've ever had. But then there are times when we don't say much and, although nothing's wrong, things feel strained. It's just that as humans, we tend to be fickle with our emotions and our time.

Sadly, that comes into play with my walk with God. And I have to remember that it's the most important time of the day, that time I spend in the word or the words of prayer I say. And whether I feel like it or not, I can't shirk those responsibilities. I have to go to God with the honesty of my malaise and trust His spirit enough to guide me through.

C-Dubbs