Chris Defined. . .

So I've started watching this new show on VH1 called "Totally Obsessed." Bascially it's where people have allowed their lives become some wrapped up in one thing that the only way they can even get by in life is to allow video cameras to pay them a few bucks to have everyone else view how whacked out they are. It's the reality-TV equivalent of the carnival freak show in my opinion. I saw the couple who was raising a Cabbage Patch Kid as their own child; the man who had surgically altered himself to look like a tiger; the guy who restages the E.T. bike race every year and dresses like Elliot everywhere he goes.

While I'll admit to being intrigued and even entertained by the show, I also felt very sad watching it. Because this was what defined these people's lives. They will forever be known as Tiger-Man; Cabbage Patch Parents or E.T. Freak. Their lives and identity are wrapped up in that.

Last night on the way home from the Jeremy Camp concert, I started thinking about that as I was talking with my friend Christina about some of our frustrations with jobs, and singleness, and whatnot. And if we're honest, I think we really become obsessed to the same point as those people on that t.v. show. It's just that our obsessions are more socially acceptable.

But does that make it any less sad?

I'm in a singles' class at my church. I hate that term, Singles. Because it implies that the main thing defining my life right now is that I don't have a wife. And although many people would deny this, there is a general consesus among many in churches that being single is a detriment. You're somehow less complete or less equipped to serve without a partner by your side. If you're single it's a shame. It must be so sad and lonely, they say. Wouldn't you want someone to share life with. Think how much more you could accomplish and experience in life if you were just part of a couple.

Don't get me wrong; I have my moments where I'm very sick of being single. I'd love to get married and I'd like it to be sooner rather than later. But that's simply another part of my life. It doesn't define me. In fact, I don't look at my singleness as a detriment. Instead, being single has been a benefit to me. I've had time to learn about myself that I couldn't have had with someone by my side. I've had time to learn to be dependant and relient on God to meet ALL my needs, including those needs of companionship and company that we often depend on our "significant others" to provide. And honestly, I feel being single has freed my up more to serve God than most couples can have. I don't have to take Saturday nights off to be by someone's side, which means I can get involved with Sunday School.

Being single is a part of who I am, that's true. But it doesn't define me. I would be the same person if I was married than if I was single. I would laugh at the same jokes, hold the same political views, keep the same faith. If I get married, great. If not. . . well, than that's just what God has in store. It doesn't change who I am at all. So let's stop defining people by that.

So we look to our jobs for definition. But when I say I'm a customer care representative, does that explain who I am? If it does, than you would get the impression I'm a confrontational, angry human being, which is not the case. You'd think my life was stress and yelling, when I love to relax, joke, and have fun more than anyone.

Even my denomination isn't a good definition of who I am. I go to a Baptist church. But I'm not a Baptist; I'm a follower of Christ who happens to attend and belong to a Baptist church. Yet, I believe kids aren't harmed by reading "Harry Potter." I don't think the Teletubbies are gay. While I don't endorse the gay lifestyle and don't approve of it, I do believe our church has been to harsh and judgemental to those who live that way while those same church members are quick to brush over their own sins. So, again, being Baptist is a part of who I am. . . but it's a characteristic. I could attend another denomination of church and I'd still be the same Chris.

And I'm glad that none of those things define me. Because the other thing Christina and I were talking about was how those definitions will never be good enough. If you're single and get married, how long before everyone's bugging you to have kids? After that, how long before you're yearning for grandchildren? If you get the job you've always wanted, how long before you become disenchanted and start wanting more money or a promotion? Even when you've found that "perfect church," how long will it be before you start realizing your pastor isn't perfect and there are things there that really get under your skin?

I don't want to be defined by those things. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate them, I do. They are important characterisitics of who I am. But I would for people to look at me and say "there goes Chris, the Single Baptist Customer Service Rep." Instead, I'm learning the only thing that can define me, that I would WANT to define me, is for people to say, "there goes Chris. He follows Christ." That's it. That's who I want to be. That's what I want people to see when they see me. That's what I want to be putting out there with every breath and every action.

C-Dubbs