Not bad for a Monday
 
I'm convinced that some days only exist for the mere purpose of getting us back on a routine. Today was one of those days. Nothing really to write home about. . . although I guess it's something to write in my blog about :-) Got up and had to be at work at 7:00 a.m. and worked until 3:30. Came home and took a (way too long) nap and didn't wake up until quarter to six. Ate dinner (microwaved stromboli), sat around, did some grocery shopping, did my devotions, budgeted and balanced my checkbook, took a long walk, made lunch for tomorrow, and now here I am. Nothing out of the ordinary, but sometimes you just need days like that to give you some order, you know?
 
Sticking to a budget is one of the most humbling experiences I've ever had. You have to be brutally honest with yourself, and as you see the money fade away day-by-day, you start to isolate and work on your problem areas and see where your problems are in terms of discipline and stewardship. It's nice to have the confidence of knowing exactly how much (or little) money you have, but it also brings you face-to-face with some of your flaws that you'd rather be ignorant of and ignore.
 
I think that actually sums up this past year of my life on my own. Being an "independent" (in quotes because there's really no such thing) person makes you very aware of a lot of your faults as an individual. I've learned that I'm irresponsible with money, prone to laziness, have a tendency toward immaturity, I'm prideful, easily frustrated, too serious at other times, a bit hypocritical, lecherous, rude, easily frustrated, and flippant about my own problems. There's a lot of good things that I've learned about myself, too, but for the sake of this illustration, just go with me :-)
 
I became aware of this today in my prayer time as I was taking a walk. One of the first things I do in my prayers is my confession of sins I've committed. Despite the fact that today was an uneventful day, I had a whole laundry list that I was bringing before God, acknowledging my own failure to live a life that glorifies Him. In the space of 24 hours (17 if you take away sleep), I had a rotten attitude at work, was lazy, not committed to doing my job whole-heartedly, wasteful about money, had thoughts I shouldn't have, and a whole host of others. It's surprising how many sins I can commit on such a boring day. And today was considered a good day!! So how did I feel about this?
 
Strangely joyful.
 
I'm so glad that there's no such thing as salvation by works. That we can never hope to please God by the things we do or earn His favor. Because how do you work your way to God's standard? That's an impossibly high bar for us to try to live by. And if that were our only hope of Heaven, we'd all be damned right now.
 
Which is why grace is so incredible. The fact that when I look at myself on my own, I see no reason why God should love me--there is no reason. But He chose to anyway. And now, when I look at my sinful self, I see that person on the cross bearing those sins. That old man is crucified and I am declared righteous, not by anything I've done, but by everything God's done. And that's what fuels me to mourn over my sin and desire to press on and glorify Him.
 
In college, during my class on "Reporting on Race, Sex, and Culture" we visited a mosque. I remember sitting in the prayer room, talking to some of the church members about the Islamic religion. And the question came up "how do Muslims believe you get to Heaven?" I remember very clearly the girl's answer.
 
"We believe we work to do enough good deeds to please Allah. But we will never know if we've done enough good deeds until the day we die."
 
How sad to live life under that fear. That constant worry about whether or not you've been able to please God. Whose standard do you live by at that point? How disheartening is it to try and try and inevitably fall?
 
That's why the gospel of grace is so amazing. We could never hope to even work our way up to Heaven's gates, let alone the throne of God. So He came down for us. He lived perfectly. He died as the perfect substitute so that we would trust in Him and Him alone for our salvation. And once our lives are given to Him, we have the assurance that He will begin to perfect us and lead us toward holiness.
 
I know it's becoming very cliche of me to end with Caedmon's Call lyrics here (I should probably just make this a fansite. J/K!) But I would be really remiss if I didn't put the lyrics to one of their best songs up here.
 
Thankful
 
I ran across an old box of letters
While I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill
You know I had to laugh that the same old struggles
 That plagued me then are plaguing me still
 I know the road is long from the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he's getting some place
But you see, I'm running from the very clothes I'm wearing
 And dressed like this I'm fit for the chase
No, there is none righteous Not one who understands
There is none who seek God No not one, no not one
 
I am thankful that I'm incapable Of doing
any good on my own
 
'Cause we're all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We're shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can't refuse, I cannot add a thing
'Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You Because I have no choice
 
Chorus
I am thankful that I'm incapable Of doing any good on my own
I'm so thankful that I'm incapable Of doing any good on my own
 
It's by grace I have been saved
Through faith that's not my own
It is the gift of God and not by works Lest anyone should boast
 
C-Dubbs, out!