Brain excretions. . .

Isn't the end of the day on Monday wonderful? Monday morning feels like such a struggle to get out of bed. The monumental task of completing another five days at work and dealing with bills, customers, and other stresses is staring you down. But the end of the day on Monday is so wonderful. It's like winning a ballgame. . . not the championship, mind you. But still, it's one victory closer to the end. Tuesday is next up and doesn't seem so intimidating. And by the end of the day Wednesday, Friday is is within your reach.

Not that it was a bad day today. On the contrary, it was really a rather nice one. I'm developing a real peace for my job. Even if it gets stressful and hectic, God's been supplying me with enough patience and endurance to get to 4:00 without too much hassle. I know I'm going to be at Verizon for awhile, simply because I want to stay through February to get my bonus. So if I'm going to be there awhile, I might as well enjoy it. I think getting to work 15 minutes earlier lately has helped too. It's always nice to get to work without feeling stressed before you even log in. And, although I hate to say it, losing our internet privelges there has helped me keep my focus on my customers. So, work's been going pretty good lately. I can endure it.

I've been taking naps every day after work. I used to worry about them, because I wasn't sure if it was healthy. But now a big part of me really loves them. I go to bed every night usually around 11:30 or 12. I wake up at 6:30. So, on a given weeknight, I get between six and seven hours of sleep. So that extra nap isn't really hurting anything. Plus, after a day of being bombarded with noise and stress, it's great to have that half hour or hour where I can just lay down and relax. I love my naps :)

Not much went on today. Erin had gotten home from her trip with Make A Wish foundation yesterday so she called and we talked for a bit. I sat around and watched "Seinfeld" for a bit. I did my devotions. Took a long walk. I've got a new route I take that's about three miles. It's a long, tiring walk that takes about an hour, but it's relaxing and gives me time to pray and to think. So, it's not too bad.

I've decided I should really invest some of my time in doing either some sort of ministry or public service. If I'm planning on being at Verizon for a bit, that means that getting out of work at 4:00 gives me a lot of free time during the week. I really want to invest that time in working to help our society. A few weeks ago a girl in our Sunday School class mentioned she worked with Big Brothers Big Sisters. I've been thinking about that for awhile and the more I think about it, the more it sounds like something I want to pray about getting involved in. So many kids are being raised in a world without hope and being told that they aren't going to succeed, that the deck is stacked against them. I'd really like to get involved in someone's life and see them succeed.

I've had this desire to get involved in. . .well, something, for the past few weeks. I've mentioned how DATA was at Kings Island and started me thinking about the AIDS problem in Africa. My friend Chris has asked me to go to the rescue mission with him a few times. And the more I look at this world, the more people without hope I see. And I can sit here and complain about it on this site or I can try and make some difference. After all, doesn't the Bible say that true religion is looking after those less fortunate? Why do so few of us live that? We can banter about doctrine and theology with the best of them, but we so seldom put this love we're supposed to have into practice.

And this is, of course, the pot calling the kettle black. Here's a good example. On the route I take on my walk, I pass by a small plaza. The past three days, there's been a man sitting there in a dirty coat, scruffy beart, and with no shoes. He's usually smoking a cigarette and drinking a bottle of beer. The man is obviously homeless. So what do I do? Do I pull out a dollar? Do I run into the nearby coffee shop and buy him a sandwich or a drink? No. I avert my eyes. I speed up. I try and make sure that he doesn't go after my wallet. How can I hope to get involved in helping others when I can't even bring myself to help this one man?

I think, of course, part of it comes from my pride. There's pride to be had in helping others with a charity. After all, then I can boast about it. But who's going to know if I slip some bum a dollar? So although I have a genuine desire to help others, I still find my pride and selfishness advising me on when to do so.

And even in my "good" moments I see why I need God so much. I need him to provide discernment. To help me search my heart and see my true motives. And even in pursuing what many would consider to be righteous works, I find myself instead falling on my knees in repentance.

C-Dubbs